A Spenserian Master's Tale:

[billy]

For twenty years and more she made me vent
upon the rolling rooftops of the sea.
I shredded mainsail in my discontent
and broke her back or so it seemed to me

Ashore, I'd often pace along the quay
a taste of briny spray upon my lip,
and pray for orders that would set me free
so I could leave the harbour with my ship.

To navigate the Firth of Forth, or skip
across the currents of the Tasman Straight.
It never mattered where, or on what trip,
as long as we could float and carry freight.

It's all steam now, no need for canvas sails,
no need for dogs like me, no need for tales.

---

the final edit ( changed line 9 after the final edit. )

A Spenserian Master's Tale:

For twenty years and more she made me vent
upon the rolling rooftops of the sea.
I shredded mainsail in my discontent
and broke her back or so it seemed to me

Ashore, I'd often pace along the quay
a taste of briny spray upon my lip,
and pray for orders that would set me free
so I could leave the harbour with my ship.

To circumnavigate the world, or skip
across the currents of the Tasman Straight.
It never mattered where, or on what trip,
as long as we could float and carry freight.

It's all steam now, no need for canvas sails,
no need for dogs like me, no need for tales.

---

1st edit: i tried to reword the offending two lines, thanks for the suggestion with the grammar tom, thanks to everyone else for pointing out that part of it need an edit. please feel free to to do the same with the revision

Original
A Spenserian Master's Tale:

For twenty years and more she made me vent
upon the rolling rooftops of the sea.
I shredded mainsail in my discontent
and broke her back or so it seemed to be

Ashore; I often paced along the quay--
a taste of briny spray upon my lip
and yearned for orders that would set me free;
to leave the harbour empty, in my ship.

Negotiate around Africa's tip;
or traverse winds along the Tasman Strait.
It never mattered where, or on what trip,
as long as we could float and carry freight.

It's all steam now, no need for canvas sails,
no need for dogs like me, no need for tales.

[Leanne]

For twenty years and more she made me vent
upon the rolling rooftops of the sea.
I shredded mainsail in my discontent
and broke her back or so it seemed to be -- would "seemed to me" work?

Ashore; I often paced along the quay--
a taste of briny spray upon my lip
and yearned for orders that would set me free;
to leave the harbour empty, in my ship.

Negotiate around Africa's tip; -- though it's not really wrong, "Africa" does throw the meter out just the tiniest fraction -- would it work for you if it were changed it to "Negotiate around the Dark Land's tip"?
or traverse winds along the Tasman Strait. -- again, "traverse" sounds a bit off but it might just be a difference in accent -- you could consider "or ride the winds along the Tasman Strait"
It never mattered where, or on what trip,
as long as we could float and carry freight.

It's all steam now, no need for canvas sails,
no need for dogs like me, no need for tales. -- really good couplet, very sad

As you can see, billy, just a few tiny little suggestions from me -- it's quite a lyrical piece and a good match of subject to form.

[penguin]

Enjoyed this, Billy. Good rhythm, tale well told. I think you could lose some punctuation to make it smoother but the line that jarred most was

Negotiate around Africa's tip;

For me "around" is very superfluous as it's encompassed by "negotiate"

[Leanne]

maybe even "negotiating Afrik's darkened tip"

[billy]

thanks guys, i can see it breaks the flow, will do something with it tomorrow.

i'm trying my best with the punctuation, but it's not my strong suit. will also have another go at sorting it ouyt.

[tectak]

For twenty years and more she made me ventBloody funny site, this. I use the word "vent" in one poem and suddenly everybody is venting...feathered and inconsequentially....but what do YOU mean here?
upon the rolling rooftops of the sea.Excelled yourself , here, billy. This is rolling along nicely
I shredded mainsail in my discontent
and broke her back or so it seemed to beYes to leannes "me" not "be"

Ashore; I often paced along the quay-Dont like dashes, don't know what they mean. Comma after ashore I think, comma after quay
a taste of briny spray upon my lipsemi colon after lip then "yearning for orders......"
and yearned for orders that would set me free;no punctuation after free
to leave the harbour empty, in my ship.

Negotiate around Africa's tip;NAVIGATE around the Good Hope's tip
or traverse winds along the Tasman Strait.
It never mattered where, or on what trip,
as long as we could float and carry freight.

It's all steam now, no need for canvas sails,
no need for dogs like me, no need for tales.

The rest....very commendable. I like this very much. The last slipped-in couplet is plungingly poignant. I can see the old dog swig his rum and move on. Love it.

[addy]

A beautiful piece billy. Aside from the wonky meter in the third stanza (that everyone's pretty much dogpiled on ) it reads well. The second stanza and the last couplet really got me.

[billy]

I did a an edit on the two offending lines and tried to sort out some of the grammar. thanks to everyone who responded. this is one of the few poems i've done that i'm reasonably proud of; mainly because i'm pretty crap at any kind of meter

[addy]

Still reads a tad bit funny to me, maybe its my pronunciation . But its very negligible. (I also kind of miss the specificity of Africa, but that's just a taste thing)

[billy]

i cut myself for you, my critics, and what do you do...bastards all

thanks for the feedback addy

[Leanne]

I have to say, I miss Africa too... now the only specific is the Tasman Straight, and that's not nearly exotic enough for me!

[billy]

right, i'll see what i can do then

---

how about if i changed world for horn...would it be turned into a sex poem

[Leanne]

You can't circumnavigate the horn

[billy]

how about if i changed world for horn...would it be turned into a sex poem

---

i begg to differ, it been done on mine on numerous occasions

---

it's changed to

to navigate Africa's Horn, or skip

[Leanne]

that works

Leave off with your horn polishing now.

---

Actually, no it doesn't work, it's short

[billy]

how is it short

[Leanne]

to NAV-i-gate AF-ri-ca's HORN and SKIP -- your feet are all mucked up, I can't make that iambic without it sounding mangled.

[billy]

then make it trochee or something that will fit.

to NAV-i-gate AF-ri-ca's HORN or to SKIP

[Leanne]

What about:

"To navigate around Cape Horn and skip"

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you can't just say "oh, the rest of my poem's perfect iambic pentameter but I really want that word so this line will just have to be buggered up, deal with it" :p

[billy]

because cape horn is in south america,