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Souls held in darkness,
Spring with giddy desires
Heavens' birth from earth
Edit 1
Seedlings in darkness,
spring from desire and ground
Heavens' birth from earth
Edit 2
Seedlings in darkness,
spring from self and ground
skies birth from earth
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A haiku to the pre-existence of the soul. Creative.
(typo: desires)
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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(02-07-2013, 11:12 PM)Todd Wrote: A haiku to the pre-existence of the soul. Creative.
(typo: desires)
Thank you, I didn't see that. And thanks for reading and commenting
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Hi Jae, I've read haiku should be imagistic rather than imagined. Also the use of adjectives, adverbs should be avoided or kept to the bare minimum. Thanks,
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(02-08-2013, 01:09 AM)lolo Wrote: Hi Jae, I've read haiku should be imagistic rather than imagined. Also the use of adjectives, adverbs should be avoided or kept to the bare minimum. Thanks,
Thankyou lolo for the advice. I have left an edit above
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nice edit jae. still needs a little more work though.
the seedlings in darkness works.
words like desire. heaven's etc are the other words lolo was on about.
(02-07-2013, 11:09 PM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote: Souls held in darkness,
Spring with giddy desires
Heavens' birth from earth
Edit 1
Seedlings in darkness,
spring from desire and ground
Heavens' birth from earth
Posts: 108
Threads: 32
Joined: Dec 2012
Quote:nice edit jae. still needs a little more work though.
the seedlings in darkness works.
words like desire. heaven's etc are the other words lolo was on about.
Thanks for the reply Billy. I see what you are saying, but I was using desire as the noun and heaven's as in sky. But I know what you mean by desire not being an image. I have put up another update.
Thanks again
