A telephone call

[Magpie]

A telephone call

Last week my Granda phoned me and informed
me that he was sitting in his kitchen. Slightly
puzzled, I tread cautiously into the conversation.
Was this the moment? I wondered. Last orders?
The majestical magnificent mind finally felled?
And at five years short of a century who could
honestly feel it unjust, a travesty. Realistically
the possibility grew bigger with each passing day.

"So how ye doin' Granda?" I asked tip toeing further into
unknown realms..... "Am aareet Son" came the famaliar
reply. "I've got one of those phones where you divvunt
have to stand next to the wall."
"What? you mean a mobile Granda" I asked intrigued.
"Nah man, a cordless one, one wi no wires. I can
phone you from any room"
He was so happy.

How beautiful.
How magical.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

[Heartafire]

A telephone call

Last week my Granda phoned me and informed
me that he was sitting in his kitchen. Slightly
puzzled, I tread cautiously into the conversation.
Was this the moment? I wondered. Last orders?
The majestical magnificent mind finally felled?
And at five years short of a century who could
honestly feel it unjust, a travesty. Realistically
the possibility grew bigger with each passing day.

"So how ye doin' Granda?" I asked tip toeing further into
unknown realms..... "Am aareet Son" came the famaliar
reply. "I've got one of those phones where you divvunt
have to stand next to the wall."
"What? you mean a mobile Granda" I asked intrigued.
"Nah man, a cordless one, one wi no wires. I can
phone you from any room"
He was so happy.

How beautiful.
How magical.
How indescribably, wholeheartedly, undeniably, heartwarmingly,
lost for words because words are not enough, extraordinary.
The spectacular simplicity of life sometimes takes hold of
this superfluous needless intellect and scatters it to far secluded
unknown spaces so all that remains is soulful and nourishing.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

Hi AR, this left me with a smile too. I think you've done a fine job with this piece. I love the message and the way you have expressed it. I watched a docu about two generations, one under thirty and the other over 70 and how they coped with each other's issues.
The younger group wanted to know where the "enter" key is on a typewriter. Enjoyed this!
Heart

[justcloudy]

hi ambrosial, thanks for sharing.
I really enjoyed this, loved the beginning, the description of the old man, and the hints at the problem of senility without its mention. it took me for a spin, and I didn't quite expect to end up where I did in the 3rd stanza. personally that part felt... preachy, to me. it just missed the mark, but it could be salvageable. I felt like the words got lost in the ideas. or the ideas got lost in the words... or maybe both? also the "s" alliteration didn't work for me. anyway I thought the concreteness of the rest of the poem was too stark of a contrast.
hope you can fix this one up because the rest is totally worth saving. =]
-cloudy

ps Heart, can you post a link to that documentary? sounds interesting ;D

[Magpie]

Hi Heart,
Thanks for the kind comments, I'm glad you liked it.
The comment you left regarding the documentary kind of reminds of when I first showed my Granda my laptop and the internet and he thought it was amazing, on the same I showed my friends 3 year old daughter the same thing and the look in her eyes of wonder was exactly the same as my Granda, 90 years difference but exactly the same reaction. Priceless.
Thanks again.
AR

---

hi ambrosial, thanks for sharing.
I really enjoyed this, loved the beginning, the description of the old man, and the hints at the problem of senility without its mention. it took me for a spin, and I didn't quite expect to end up where I did in the 3rd stanza. personally that part felt... preachy, to me. it just missed the mark, but it could be salvageable. I felt like the words got lost in the ideas. or the ideas got lost in the words... or maybe both? also the "s" alliteration didn't work for me. anyway I thought the concreteness of the rest of the poem was too stark of a contrast.
hope you can fix this one up because the rest is totally worth saving. =]
-cloudy

ps Heart, can you post a link to that documentary? sounds interesting ;D

Hi cloudy thanks for your kind comments,
I think you are right about the 3rd stanza, and I not quite sure what happened, originally as I wrote it on paper today the end read,

How beautiful.
How magical.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

But as I typed it out I obviously thought it needed something extra, and to be honest, it was a really hard poem for me to write from an emotional point of view. And I kind of just wanted away from it, so I never read it through before I posted it. But now that I've just read it through again it doesn't make sense. For some reason I had the impression that it was by far the best stanza, but now it's so obvious that it's the first stanza that is the best. I will edit it as I originally wrote it as mentioned above and then see what feels right. Thanks for your honesty it is much appreciated.

By the way I've noticed a few of your posts and the Dylan quote intrigued me. I was thinking it must be a Dylan tune I've never heard.
So I decided to look it up and realised that I did sort of know it, "Idiot wind" from "blood on the tracks" but it was always a tune that I never really listened to that much, mostly because I was obsessed with 3 tunes on there "simple twist of fate" "shelter from the storm" and "your gonna make me lonesome when go" but since the other day I can't get enough of "Idiot wind" it's in my head constantly, and I feel foolish that I never realised how good the lyrics were in it. So for this I thank you.
Thanks again for the comments on the poem.
AR

[Volaticus]

Hi AR,
This poem really surprised me (in a good way), when I read the second stanza. It took a turn that, in it's meaning, I found beautiful. I don't think I can add much more, that has not already been said.
I find the sentiment in your poems to be very real, and therefore also very appealing. Another great poem
My best,

[justcloudy]

always happy to help others discover more of Dylan. =] the beauty is just that--there's always more! he's such an accomplished poet. (that sentence looks so silly....) my favorite from that album is "if you see her say hello." a little less poetic but so emotionally raw.

anyway, about your poem it's much better like this. sometimes we all get caught up in our brains. it's ok. ;p

[Magpie]

Hi AR,
This poem really surprised me (in a good way), when I read the second stanza. It took a turn that, in it's meaning, I found beautiful. I don't think I can add much more, that has not already been said.
I find the sentiment in your poems to be very real, and therefore also very appealing. Another great poem
My best,

Thanks Volaticus for the kind comments about this poem.
And also I appreciate the observation regarding the sentiment in my poems being very real, it means a lot to hear this and is very much appreciated.
Thanks again.
AR

[starstruck]

A telephone call

Last week my Granda phoned me and informed
me that he was sitting in his kitchen. Slightly
puzzled, I tread cautiously into the conversation.
Was this the moment? I wondered. Last orders?
The majestical magnificent mind finally felled?
And at five years short of a century who could
honestly feel it unjust, a travesty. Realistically
the possibility grew bigger with each passing day.

"So how ye doin' Granda?" I asked tip toeing further into
unknown realms..... "Am aareet Son" came the famaliar
reply. "I've got one of those phones where you divvunt
have to stand next to the wall."
"What? you mean a mobile Granda" I asked intrigued.
"Nah man, a cordless one, one wi no wires. I can
phone you from any room"
He was so happy.

How beautiful.
How magical.

I couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

I think this poem is simply beautiful in the sense that the author is made happy because their grandfather was happen. Nothing extraordinary happened and it didn't need to. The best thing that happened was that they heard someone they loved being happy.