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		take 3: 
I pray sweet hope, 
because it is eternal, 
instead of love  
that might betray.
 
Don't tear down the walls 
that hold you too. 
But if you must, 
please, do not waste 
what is not yet your own.
 
Between despair and delight 
we tumble around. 
The days steal 
our lives from us.
 
Our lovers come and go 
leaving us lonely in the end. 
Politics do not soothe us either;
 
but I still talk America. 
I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
You are not beautiful of yourself, 
but by the basic idea 
that gave birth to you.
 
Just dare to read Jefferson 
to see what you may have become.
 
-------------------------------------------- 
cleaned up mess ;-)  )so I thought.)
 
A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE 
--------------------------------------------
 
I pray the sweetness of hope 
maybe in vain, 
instead of dishonest love. 
 
Do not – for the  best of us all – drown in that 
muddy waters of pain and distress 
created to break you.
 
Don't tear down the walls 
that hold you, too. 
But if you must, 
please, do not waste away  
what you don't have yet.
 
Between despair and delight 
I tumble around and the days 
steal themselves away. 
The lovers come and go, 
leaving me lonely and 
politics is not soothing me either, 
but still I talk America,  
I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
You are not beautiful by yourself 
but by that basic idea 
that gave birth to you. 
Just dare to read Jefferson, 
to see what could have  
already become of you  - instead.
	
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  'A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 instead of love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of you – indulge in that
 pool of pain made so to break you
 once you lost this sweet feeling.
 
 You better do not
 corrupt the stones that hold you,
 but should you feel so inclined,
 to cut it short; do, please, not
 waste away of what you don't have yet,
 [
 
 
 
 In altered zones of half-delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 I talk America, I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 Beautiful is not you my friend,
 but the concept that governs you, is.
 Just dare to read Jefferson.
 
 
 (this is just the intro)
 
I will wait until it is finished. You would expect no less. 
Very best, 
tectak
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-08-2013, 03:15 AM)tectak Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  'A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 instead of love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of you – indulge in that
 pool of pain made so to break you
 once you lost this sweet feeling.
 
 You better do not
 corrupt the stones that hold you,
 but should you feel so inclined,
 to cut it short; do, please, not
 waste away of what you don't have yet,
 [
 
 
 
 In altered zones of half-delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 I talk America, I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 Beautiful is not you my friend,
 but the concept that governs you, is.
 Just dare to read Jefferson.
 
 
 (this is just the intro)
 I will wait until it is finished. You would expect no less.
 Very best,
 tectak
 
that is a good idea: this stanza starting with; altered zones is too Gurkskish for even me. ;-)  . It is under construction. I scribble too much. should really reduce my out put. At least as far as texts are concerned.  cheers  serge
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		too gurkish even for you? 
even I never expect to hear this.
 
(gurkspeak)
 
Stalker
  (06-08-2013, 06:44 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:   (06-08-2013, 03:15 AM)tectak Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  'A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 instead of love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of you – indulge in that
 pool of pain made so to break you
 once you lost this sweet feeling.
 
 You better do not
 corrupt the stones that hold you,
 but should you feel so inclined,
 to cut it short; do, please, not
 waste away of what you don't have yet,
 [
 
 
 
 In altered zones of half-delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 I talk America, I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 Beautiful is not you my friend,
 but the concept that governs you, is.
 Just dare to read Jefferson.
 
 
 (this is just the intro)
 I will wait until it is finished. You would expect no less.
 Very best,
 tectak
 that is a good idea: this stanza sarting with; altered zones is too Gurkskish for even me. ;-)  . It is indr construction. I scribble too much. should really reduce my out put. At least as far as texts are concerned.  cheers  serge
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		yes. It is a so-called hyper-gurkskism, obviously (see above) to even me.
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		I pray the sweetness of hopeinstead of love.
 this line above is great
 
 Do not – for the best of you – indulge in that
 pool of pain made so to break you
 once you lost this sweet feeling.
 again  good
 
 You better do not
 corrupt the stones that hold you,
 but should you feel so inclined,
 to cut it short; do, please, not
 waste away of what you don't have yet,
 
 "you better do not" doesnt sound right to me. "You better not" or "do not" sounds better for a flow.
 
 
 
 
 In altered zones of half-delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 I talk America, I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 Beautiful is not you my friend,
 but the concept that governs you, is.
 Just dare to read Jefferson.
 
 thats all I got, it reads good except what I pointed out. But what do I know, I post in Novice.
 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		A lot of expatriates gave up on America. From the moment they brought slaves to America there would be some issues. One can imagine how quickly innocence vanished from the New World. In regards to philosophy there is the whole nature of mankind to consider. It is interesting to see a European take on the Harlem Renaissance.
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		hyper-gurkism?
 goodness - is that acute or chronic?
 
 perhaps It can be either - in this case?
 
 for the sake of my logic - is there an opposing condition hypo-gurk?
 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-09-2013, 05:43 PM)Stalker Wrote:  hyper-gurkism?
 goodness - is that acute or chronic?
 
 perhaps It can be either - in this case?
 
 <<<  perhaps yes.
 
 for the sake of my logic - is there an opposing condition hypo-gurk?
 
<<< 
good question. Politeness forbids me to answer it, because it would apply to people not Gurk.  You will understand.
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-09-2013, 04:06 PM)R.C. KITCHENS Wrote:  I pray the sweetness of hopeinstead of love.
 this line above is great
 
 Do not – for the best of you – indulge in that
 pool of pain made so to break you
 once you lost this sweet feeling.
 again  good
 
 You better do not
 corrupt the stones that hold you,
 but should you feel so inclined,
 to cut it short; do, please, not
 waste away of what you don't have yet,
 
 "you better do not" doesnt sound right to me. "You better not" or "do not" sounds better for a flow.
 
 
 
 
 In altered zones of half-delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 I talk America, I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 Beautiful is not you my friend,
 but the concept that governs you, is.
 Just dare to read Jefferson.
 
 thats all I got, it reads good except what I pointed out. But what do I know, I post in Novice.
 
Oh, thank you for the feedback, RC. I did not see your comment before. It does not matter at all to me where you post. I'll look into the things you pointed it out. (You are absolutely right about: "You better not" being much better not just for the flow but that is simply how it should be written. Thank you for the hint!
 
cheers  :-)
 
serge
 
  (06-09-2013, 04:19 PM)Brownlie Wrote:  A lot of expatriates gave up on America. From the moment they brought slaves to America there would be some issues. One can imagine how quickly innocence vanished from the New World. In regards to philosophy there is the whole nature of mankind to consider. It is interesting to see a European take on the Harlem Renaissance. 
Hi Brownlie,
 
this is not directed against "White" America. I was reading  a lot of Harlem Renaissance and Négritude texts recently and also listening to  
West African and Mississippi Delta Music. Came across "Strange fruit" again, a very shocking youtube vid with Nina Simone singing that song and accompanied by bloody gruesome fotos.  
Of course (Germany very much included) cruelty and stupidity are to be encountered everywhere on this globe and at all times.  
My main issue is political (and cultural) emancipation, not condemning  
crimes that have already been condemned by people much more affected by them.  
Another interest of mine is how art can flourish under miserable circumstances and why. And why it can be so good! And if there is a  - kinky -  correlation between the degree of misery and pain and the level of artistic /aesthetic quality. 
 
Thank you for your comment. I only saw your reply  a couple of minutes ago.  (Was distracted by another utterance made by someone else. ;-) )
 
cheers
 
serge
 
  (06-10-2013, 05:26 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:   (06-09-2013, 05:43 PM)Stalker Wrote:  hyper-gurkism?
 goodness - is that acute or chronic?
 
 perhaps It can be either - in this case?
 
 <<<  perhaps yes.
 
 for the sake of my logic - is there an opposing condition hypo-gurk?
 <<<
 good question. Politeness forbids me to answer it, because it would apply to people not Gurk.  You will understand.
 
To put it in a wormholy* nutshell or wherever you want it:
 
The question is more tricky than I first was willing to explain. It can either relate to this text of mine in relation to my other scribblings or to my texts in comparison to those of other writers.   
That is why I refrain from discussing - and in particular in public -  possibly triflish*  considerations that don't even make any sense to me, despite the fact that, notwithstanding the improbability that there could ever be anything too absurd or kinky enough for Gurk to be unworthy of his consideration, as you seem to imply to be knowledgeable of, some people could now feel inclined to consider this very statement of mine as no less than totally anti-Gurkskish. 
 
------------ 
*to procure you ever so gladly and delightedly with 2 new ad-hoc Gurkskisms
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		cleaned up to make the mud shine more.
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 --------------------------------------------
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,..may be in vain
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of us all – drown in thatDo not, for the best of reasons, drown in the muddy waters of pain and distress created to suffocate you.  Suggested only because waters don't break one, though one can break waters
  muddy waters of pain and distress
 created to break you.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you, too.the "too" is wrong.Unless you mean "you too"; that is "as well as me". Otherwise it refers to "not breaking walls" as well as "not drowning". If the latter, then "Nor tear down the walls that hold you". Needs looking at.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste away
 what you don't have yet. Again, this is clumsy in execution and could be simplified to "...do not waste what you do not yet have"
 
 Between despair and delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.Echo of a cliche in "stealing away" but it is probably a quacking duck.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,Would be better avoiding the plurality of "politic s" followed by the singular "is", by "Politics do not soothe me, either.
 but still I talk America, To isolate the last line and make it pensive, a semicolon here might help
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful by yourself of yourself. "by yourself" means seul.
 but by that basic ideaA "that" too many. Omit it in favour of "the"
 that gave birth to you. A nice thought
 Just dare to read Jefferson,
 to see what could have  You cannot say "could" but you can say "may". It is a nuance and a nuisance in one
 already become of you  - insteadNot sure about dash instead. Not sure about dash. Not sure about instead. A dash usually indicates that a little extra information or an aside is coming. Instead, we get "instead". Instead of what?
 
Hi serge,  
I'm getting to like this more but still feel that there are areas of uncertainty of touch. There is an odd lack of deftness which is slightly disconcerting...like a goat walking on a high ridge. You know it will be OK because anthropically it would not be there if it had failed before...yet still I stumble with the goat:
 
I pray the sweetness of hope 
maybe in vain, 
instead of dishonest love. 
 
Why would you pray for vain  hope? 
Why is hope sweet, and if you call it thus, why would you wish for none of it? 
Do you mean the "sweetness" is in vain, or the hope is in vain? 
Why would you prefer the failure of hope to  "dishonest love", surely an oxymoron...and I note that you do not write "a  dishonest love". 
 
The answers to these, and other questions will, no doubt, be forthcoming.  
Best,  
tectak
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-11-2013, 07:02 PM)tectak Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 --------------------------------------------
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,..may be in vain  <<< a  possibly vain hope
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of us all – drown in thatDo not, for the best of reasons, drown in the muddy waters of pain and distress created to suffocate you.  Suggested only because waters don't break one, though one can break waters
  <<< good point. thank you!  suffocate  is better muddy waters of pain and distress
 created to break you.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you, too.the "too" is wrong.Unless you mean "you too"; <<  that is "as well as me". Otherwise it refers to "not breaking walls" as well as "not drowning". If the latter, then "Nor tear down the walls that hold you". Needs looking at.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste away
 what you don't have yet. Again, this is clumsy in execution and could be simplified to "...do not waste what you do not yet have" <<< agreed. Thank you.
 
 Between despair and delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.Echo of a cliche in "stealing away" but it is probably a quacking duck. <<< must reconsider. I liked the exprssion. ,-)
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,Would be better avoiding the plurality of "politic s" followed by the singular "is", by "Politics do not soothe me, either.  <<< yes, singular. Will be fixed.
 but still I talk America, To isolate the last line and make it pensive, a semicolon here might help <<< hahaha. It had to come! Ok, I'll smuggle your semicolon into it.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful by yourself of yourself. "by yourself" means seul.  <<< touché1  see: the patois.
 but by that basic ideaA "that" too many. Omit it in favour of "the"  <<< ok.
 that gave birth to you. A nice thought
 Just dare to read Jefferson,
 to see what could have  You cannot say "could" but you can say "may". It is a nuance and a nuisance in one  <<< D'accord.
 already become of you  - insteadNot sure about dash instead. Not sure about dash. Not sure about instead. A dash usually indicates that a little extra information or an aside is coming. Instead, we get "instead". Instead of what?   <<< I meant:  to see what instead may have become of you.
 Hi serge,
 I'm getting to like this more but still feel that there are areas of uncertainty of touch. There is an odd lack of deftness which is slightly disconcerting...like a goat walking on a high ridge. You know it will be OK because anthropically it would not be there if it had failed before...yet still I stumble with the goat:
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Why would you pray for vain hope?   <<< because I and/or the masses are afraid what is hoped for might not come true.
 Why is hope sweet, and if you call it thus, why would you wish for none of it? [ <<< I do. see above
 Do you mean the "sweetness" is in vain, or the hope is in vain?
 Why would you prefer the failure of hope to  "dishonest love", surely an oxymoron...and I note that you do not write "a dishonest love".  <<< Because I am sceptical of the assumption that love equals truth. You don't have to subscribe to that. Just my life experience. It is less stable and reliable than hope as far as good living is concerned (really just my stance on it.) And also my concept of love differs from that of hope substantially (and in substance: the character of both emotions)
 
 The answers to these, and other questions will, no doubt, be forthcoming.
  Best,
 tectak
 
No doubt! ;-)
 
At least we are starting to get somewhere. 
 
Background:  The background to this is a poetico-poltical essay on Senghor (as I already told you earlier). Now I have just the right framework for said essay:  2 pages from an essay by Steven Blakemore ("Burke and the fall of language: the French Revolution as linguistic event." American Society for Eighteenth Century Studies. Spring 17.3 (1984):284-307), 284 - 307), esp. where Blakemore describes Burke's take on the relationship between language usage and depiction of poltical reality. There is a quintessential aphorism of Burke that he stole and transformed from Cicero's Cato Maior de Senectute: Si isti mihi largiantur ut repueriscam, et in eorum cunis vagiam, valde recusem! 
He therefore refuses to think in the language of the revolutionaries, because (to quote Burke): "Their tongue betrays them. Their language is in the patois of fraud, in the cant and gibberish of hypocrisy."
 
Senghor  - if subconsciously - seems to have taken this warning by Burke seriously, applying it to French of course, because he turned the revolutionary patois of the Négritude into finest French worthy of the Académie française. According to René Gnalega ("La pensée Senghor et la francophonie." Éthiopiques - Revue negro-africaine de litterature et de philosophie  n°69. Hommage à L. S. Senghor 2ème semestre 2002"): "Nous savons que Senghor est l’un des pionniers de la Négritude. Mais nous ne pouvons pas non plus séparer le nom de Senghor de la Francophonie, tant il avait fait corps avec l’idée de francophonie en la défendant avec ferveur et foi. ... Senghor a été aux premières loges, dirons-nous, de la Francophonie."
 
Your critique:  I will comment on your critical remarks inside your comment window quoted in this reply. 
A general question (not  meant sarcastically. I am just not sure.) 
What is not yet your own and what gave birth to you is of course the same. Do I have to spell it out? I hope not. ;-)
 
cheers and thank you for reading and commenting! 
serge
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		take 3:
 I pray sweet hope,
 because it is eternal,
 instead of love
 that might betray.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste
 what is not yet your own.
 
 Between despair and delight
 we tumble around.
 The days steal
 our lives from us.
 
 Our lovers come and go
 leaving us lonely in the end.
 Politics is not soothing us either;
 
 but I still talk America.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful to yourself,
 but by the basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 
 Just dare to read Jefferson
 to see your natural rights and,
 what you may have become
 
 made a few changes. just a few. loved the poem
 
 my edits suck. i think if you add natural or rights in the poem the theme could be more apparent
 
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.--mark twain
 Bunx
 
 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  take 3:
 I pray sweet hope,
 because it is eternal,
 instead of love
 that might betray.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste
 what is not yet your own.
 
 Between despair and delight
 we tumble around.
 The days steal
 our lives from us.
 
 Our lovers come and go
 leaving us lonely in the end.
 Politic is not soothing us either;politics do not soothe us either....politics
 do not soothe me either.
 but I still talk America.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful of yourself,
 but by the basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 
 Just dare to read Jefferson
 to see what you may have become.
 
 
 
 
 --------------------------------------------
 cleaned up mess ;-)  )so I thought.)
 
 A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance
 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
 --------------------------------------------
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of us all – drown in that
 muddy waters of pain and distress
 created to break you.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you, too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste away
 what you don't have yet.
 
 Between despair and delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,
 but still I talk America,
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful by yourself
 but by that basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 Just dare to read Jefferson,
 to see what could have
 already become of you  - instead.
 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  take 3:
 I pray sweet hope,                            this line means nothing to me at all, other than setting up some mawkishness
 because it is eternal,                       "hope springs eternal" - yah, heard it before
 instead of love                                  betrayed by love is not exactly a new concept
 that might betray.
 
 Don't tear down the walls                     cliche again, so far you haven't really given us anything to chew on
 that hold you too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste
 what is not yet your own.                      awkward phrasing
 
 Between despair and delight                     abstraction, abstraction, abstraction
 we tumble around.
 The days steal
 our lives from us.
 
 Our lovers come and go
 leaving us lonely in the end.
 Politic is not soothing us either;
 
 but I still talk America.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful of yourself,
 but by the basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 
 Just dare to read Jefferson
 to see what you may have become.
 
most of this is quite abstract, telly, and self indulgent.  There really isn't anything new or interesting here, either in the phrasing or the sentiment.
 
Thanks for posting.  
 
Cheers!
 
milo
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-12-2013, 06:19 AM)milo Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  take 3:
 I pray sweet hope,                            this line means nothing to me at all, other than setting up some mawkishness
 because it is eternal,                       "hope springs eternal" - yah, heard it before
 instead of love                                  betrayed by love is not exactly a new concept
 that might betray.
 
 Don't tear down the walls                     cliche again, so far you haven't really given us anything to chew on
 that hold you too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste
 what is not yet your own.                      awkward phrasing
 
 Between despair and delight                     abstraction, abstraction, abstraction
 we tumble around.
 The days steal
 our lives from us.
 
 Our lovers come and go
 leaving us lonely in the end.
 Politic is not soothing us either;
 
 but I still talk America.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful of yourself,
 but by the basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 
 Just dare to read Jefferson
 to see what you may have become.
 most of this is quite abstract, telly, and self indulgent.  There really isn't anything new or interesting here, either in the phrasing or the sentiment.
 
 Thanks for posting.
 
 Cheers!
 
 milo
 
Hi milo, 
A peripheral comment. Though I have pointed out to serge, often, that he is latterly (or perhaps has always been) self-indulgent, this is at once a virtue and a crime. I avoid going down the slippery translational route as he liberally scatters banana skins behind as he descends into his own deep meditative pit! One slip, and I am down there with him trying to find a way out. So no. My only crit is based upon the "english as she is spoken" in the hopes (often proven to be the case) that repeatedly editing away the whey will leave the cream. 
Best,  
tectak
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-12-2013, 05:42 PM)tectak Wrote:   (06-12-2013, 06:19 AM)milo Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  take 3:
 I pray sweet hope,                            this line means nothing to me at all, other than setting up some mawkishness
 because it is eternal,                       "hope springs eternal" - yah, heard it before
 instead of love                                  betrayed by love is not exactly a new concept
 that might betray.
 
 Don't tear down the walls                     cliche again, so far you haven't really given us anything to chew on
 that hold you too.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste
 what is not yet your own.                      awkward phrasing
 
 Between despair and delight                     abstraction, abstraction, abstraction
 we tumble around.
 The days steal
 our lives from us.
 
 Our lovers come and go
 leaving us lonely in the end.
 Politic is not soothing us either;
 
 but I still talk America.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful of yourself,
 but by the basic idea
 that gave birth to you.
 
 Just dare to read Jefferson
 to see what you may have become.
 most of this is quite abstract, telly, and self indulgent.  There really isn't anything new or interesting here, either in the phrasing or the sentiment.
 
 Thanks for posting.
 
 Cheers!
 
 milo
 Hi milo,
 A peripheral comment. Though I have pointed out to serge, often, that he is (or perhaps has always been) sel-indulgent, this is at once a virtue and a crime. I avoid going down the slippery translational route as he liberally scatters banana skins behind as he descends into his own deep meditative pit! One slip, and I am down there with him trying to find a way out. So no. My only crit is based upon the "english as she is spoken" in the hopes (often proven to be the case) that repeatedly editing away the whey will leave the cream.
 Best,
 tectak
 
You are a prince among men, as I have often stated.
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-12-2013, 05:42 PM)tectak Wrote:  Hi milo,A peripheral comment. Though I have pointed out to serge, often, that he is (or perhaps has always been) sel-indulgent, this is at once a virtue and a crime. I avoid going down the slippery translational route as he liberally scatters banana skins behind as he descends into his own deep meditative pit! One slip, and I am down there with him trying to find a way out. So no. My only crit is based upon the "english as she is spoken" in the hopes (often proven to be the case) that repeatedly editing away the whey will leave the cream.
 Best,
 tectak
 
;-)    
cheers
 
moi
	 
		
	 
	
	
	
		
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		 (06-11-2013, 08:48 PM)serge gurkski Wrote:   (06-11-2013, 07:02 PM)tectak Wrote:   (06-02-2013, 07:23 AM)serge gurkski Wrote:  A contribution to the Harlem Renaissance 
 http://youtu.be/xTEmldzx1xE
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 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,..may be in vain  <<< a  possibly vain hope
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Do not – for the  best of us all – drown in thatDo not, for the best of reasons, drown in the muddy waters of pain and distress created to suffocate you.  Suggested only because waters don't break one, though one can break waters
  <<< good point. thank you!  suffocate  is better muddy waters of pain and distress
 created to break you.
 
 Don't tear down the walls
 that hold you, too.the "too" is wrong.Unless you mean "you too"; <<  that is "as well as me". Otherwise it refers to "not breaking walls" as well as "not drowning". If the latter, then "Nor tear down the walls that hold you". Needs looking at.
 But if you must,
 please, do not waste away
 what you don't have yet. Again, this is clumsy in execution and could be simplified to "...do not waste what you do not yet have" <<< agreed. Thank you.
 
 Between despair and delight
 I tumble around and the days
 steal themselves away.Echo of a cliche in "stealing away" but it is probably a quacking duck. <<< must reconsider. I liked the exprssion. ,-)
 The lovers come and go,
 leaving me lonely and
 politics is not soothing me either,Would be better avoiding the plurality of "politic s" followed by the singular "is", by "Politics do not soothe me, either.  <<< yes, singular. Will be fixed.
 but still I talk America, To isolate the last line and make it pensive, a semicolon here might help <<< hahaha. It had to come! Ok, I'll smuggle your semicolon into it.
 I talk to a beautiful nation.
 
 You are not beautiful by yourself of yourself. "by yourself" means seul.  <<< touché1  see: the patois.
 but by that basic ideaA "that" too many. Omit it in favour of "the"  <<< ok.
 that gave birth to you. A nice thought
 Just dare to read Jefferson,
 to see what could have  You cannot say "could" but you can say "may". It is a nuance and a nuisance in one  <<< D'accord.
 already become of you  - insteadNot sure about dash instead. Not sure about dash. Not sure about instead. A dash usually indicates that a little extra information or an aside is coming. Instead, we get "instead". Instead of what?   <<< I meant:  to see what instead may have become of you.
 Hi serge,
 I'm getting to like this more but still feel that there are areas of uncertainty of touch. There is an odd lack of deftness which is slightly disconcerting...like a goat walking on a high ridge. You know it will be OK because anthropically it would not be there if it had failed before...yet still I stumble with the goat:
 
 I pray the sweetness of hope
 maybe in vain,
 instead of dishonest love.
 
 Why would you pray for vain hope?   <<< because I and/or the masses are afraid what is hoped for might not come true.
 Why is hope sweet, and if you call it thus, why would you wish for none of it? [ <<< I do. see above
 Do you mean the "sweetness" is in vain, or the hope is in vain?
 Why would you prefer the failure of hope to  "dishonest love", surely an oxymoron...and I note that you do not write "a dishonest love".  <<< Because I am sceptical of the assumption that love equals truth. You don't have to subscribe to that. Just my life experience. It is less stable and reliable than hope as far as good living is concerned (really just my stance on it.) And also my concept of love differs from that of hope substantially (and in substance: the character of both emotions)
 
 The answers to these, and other questions will, no doubt, be forthcoming.
  Best,
 tectak
 
 No doubt! ;-)
 
 
 At least we are starting to get somewhere.
 
 Background:  The background to this is a poetico-poltical essay on Senghor (as I already told you earlier). Now I have just the right framework for said essay:  2 pages from an essay by Steven Blakemore ("Burke and the fall of language: the French Revolution as linguistic event." American Society for Eighteenth Century Studies. Spring 17.3 (1984):284-307), 284 - 307), esp. where Blakemore describes Burke's take on the relationship between language usage and depiction of poltical reality. There is a quintessential aphorism of Burke that he stole and transformed from Cicero's Cato Maior de Senectute: Si isti mihi largiantur ut repueriscam, et in eorum cunis vagiam, valde recusem!
 He therefore refuses to think in the language of the revolutionaries, because (to quote Burke): "Their tongue betrays them. Their language is in the patois of fraud, in the cant and gibberish of hypocrisy."
 
 Senghor  - if subconsciously - seems to have taken this warning by Burke seriously, applying it to French of course, because he turned the revolutionary patois of the Négritude into finest French worthy of the Académie française. According to René Gnalega ("La pensée Senghor et la francophonie." Éthiopiques - Revue negro-africaine de litterature et de philosophie  n°69. Hommage à L. S. Senghor 2ème semestre 2002"): "Nous savons que Senghor est l’un des pionniers de la Négritude. Mais nous ne pouvons pas non plus séparer le nom de Senghor de la Francophonie, tant il avait fait corps avec l’idée de francophonie en la défendant avec ferveur et foi. ... Senghor a été aux premières loges, dirons-nous, de la Francophonie."
 
 Your critique:  I will comment on your critical remarks inside your comment window quoted in this reply.
 A general question (not meant sarcastically. I am just not sure.)
 What is not yet your own and what gave birth to you is of course the same. Do I have to spell it out? I hope not. ;-) Though you try to convince me that there is fungibilty in these abstractions you lose your own argument by the injection of "of course". This implicitly indicates that even you consider that the equality of the two abstractions is, of course, less than obvious
  That is one of the niceties of the English language. It is possible to write one thing and convolutedly indicate another. As soon as I hear "of course" I hear truth on the hoof. So no, I need it spelling out to me...you have had plenty of time to work out an argument!  Best,
 tectak
 cheers and thank you for reading and commenting!
 serge
 
		
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