Famous Last Words

[71degrees]

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said,

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does

[Nick]

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does,
he said

I get this. However, it needs reshaping. The "she said he said" ain't enough to carry the piece across the page. A male interacting with a female in this manner (it could be interpreted as insulting) in the current pc world is a nonstarter.

[Spikerider]

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does,
he said

Uhhmmm, I'm confused... the title doesn't seem to jive w/ the poem so short..?? I feel a few more stanzas are needed?

[71degrees]

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does,
he said


I get this. However, it needs reshaping. The "she said he said" ain't enough to carry the piece across the page. A male interacting with a female in this manner (it could be interpreted as insulting) in the current pc world is a nonstarter.

Thanks for the feedback. It's supposed to be insulting. I don't worry too much about being PC. I edited the poem back to its original form.

---

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does,
he said


Uhhmmm, I'm confused... the title doesn't seem to jive w/ the poem so short..?? I feel a few more stanzas are needed?

Thanks. No reason to be confused. I'm all about brevity

[Nick]

But, I wanted
the abuse, she said

Next time don’t
ask too much
more of yourself
than a mirror does,
he said


I get this. However, it needs reshaping. The "she said he said" ain't enough to carry the piece across the page. A male interacting with a female in this manner (it could be interpreted as insulting) in the current pc world is a nonstarter.

Thanks for the feedback. It's supposed to be insulting. I don't worry too much about being PC. I edited the poem back to its original form.

---

"But I wanted
the abuse"
she said

"Next time don’t
ask more of yourself
than a mirror"
he said


Uhhmmm, I'm confused... the title doesn't seem to jive w/ the poem so short..?? I feel a few more stanzas are needed?

Thanks. No reason to be confused. I'm all about brevity

Okay. Now it is clearer.

I brevitied it a bit more and twiddled the punctuation to illustrate additional thoughts.