Fauxku Choo Choo (the play's the thing)

[ellajam]

thieving magpies stole the moon
their raucous cackling mocks our plea
petitioning Selene to restore the tides


bagpipes toll
cracking the stalwart
rivulets ignored

[ChristopherSea]

bagpipes toll
cracking the stalwart
rivulets ignored

crack pipes take their toll
warnings ignored, Stewart looked
older than grandpa

[Markworth]

crack pipes take their toll
warnings ignored, Stewart looked
older than grandpa

My grandpa can make a burgoo,
with squirrel, chipmunk, and raccoon.
When city boys stop,
he dips in his pot,
and tells them he made chicken stew.

[Mopkins]

My grandpa can make a burgoo,
with squirrel, chipmunk, and raccoon.
When city boys stop,
he dips in his pot,
and tells them he made chicken stew.



My Rhode Island Red Rooster Stew
would crow every morning at two.
The chickens joined in
flapping and clucking-
the Shire said it just wouldn’t do.

[Keith]

My Rhode Island Red Rooster Stew
would crow every morning at two.
The chickens joined in
flapping and clucking-
the Shire said it just wouldn’t do.

Shire-horses heavy horses
brushing tufts across their hoofs
joined together brass and leather.

[Mopkins]

Shire-horses heavy horses
brushing tufts across their hoofs
joined together brass and leather.


Brass buckled leather belt
holding up my jeans.
Tarnished and tattered,
had it since my teens.

[ellajam]

love this one

My grandpa can make a burgoo,
with squirrel, chipmunk, and raccoon.
When city boys stop,
he dips in his pot,
and tells them he made chicken stew.

Brass buckled leather belt
holding up my jeans.
Tarnished and tattered,
had it since my teens.

She's serving up belts and beer
hair up, eyes bright, mind clear
in her low-slung jeans
barely past her teens
saving dollars for school and career

[Mopkins]

She's serving up belts and beer
hair up, eyes bright, mind clear
in her low-slung jeans
barely past her teens
saving dollars for school and career


He wears his jeans slung low,
his boxer shorts they show.
He’s past his teens
but still it seems
a style he won’t outgrow.

[rayheinrich]

He wears his jeans slung low,
his boxer shorts they show.
He’s past his teens
but still it seems
a style he won’t outgrow.


I wear my jeans slung way too high,
my undies extend to my thigh;
I'm way past my teens,
there's no bulge in my jeans,
and I'll wear them this way 'til I die.

[ChristopherSea]

I wear my jeans slung way too high,
my undies extend to my thigh;
I'm way past my teens,
there's no bulge in my jeans,
and I'll wear them this way 'til I die.

there’s a bulge in my genes,
active transcription in my nuclei;
fighting entropy until I die.

[ellajam]

there’s a bulge in my genes,
active transcription in my nuclei;
fighting entropy until I die.

This odd combination of genes
will never again be seen.
Since it's all miss or hit
I may as well be it,
I am now as I ever have been.

[ChristopherSea]

This odd combination of genes
will never again be seen.
Since it's all miss or hit
I may as well be it,
I am now as I ever have been.

In the missed spill within a bio-hazard hood,
genetic recombination creates the odd beast;
it’s hit or miss for the human race.

[Markworth]

In the missed spill within a bio-hazard hood,
genetic recombination creates the odd beast;
it’s hit or miss for the human race.

Despite calculations of future locations,
this hazard cannot be displaced.
A million years later they'll locate the crater,
and scoff at our primitive race.

[Mopkins]

Despite calculations of future locations,
this hazard cannot be displaced.
A million years later they'll locate the crater,
and scoff at our primitive race.

Ancient Astronauts came from the stars
and encountered our primitive race,
Now researchers find evidence
Sitchin was first on their case.

[ChristopherSea]

Ancient Astronauts came from the stars
and encountered our primitive race,
Now researchers find evidence
Sitchin was first on their case.

Sitchin's a swindler and Von Daniken's a fraud,
pseudo-scientists fleece a primitive race of sheep;
ancient astronauts crash in flimsy chariots of the gods.



Sitchin's ideas have been rejected by scientists and academics, who dismiss his work as pseudoscience and pseudohistory. His work has been criticized for flawed methodology and mistranslations of ancient texts as well as for incorrect astronomical and scientific claims.

-Carroll, Robert T "The Skeptic's Dictionary".

That writing as careless as von Däniken's, whose principal thesis is that our ancestors were dummies, should be so popular is a sober commentary on the credulousness and despair of our times. I also hope for the continuing popularity of books like Chariots of the Gods? in high school and college logic courses, as object lessons in sloppy thinking. I know of no recent books so riddled with logical and factual errors as the works of von Däniken.

—Carl Sagan, Foreword to The Space Gods Revealed

[Mopkins]

gee that got you fired up Chris!

Sitchin's a swindler and Von Daniken's a fraud,
pseudo-scientists fleece a primitive race of sheep;
ancient astronauts crash in flimsy chariots of the gods.



I like my pseudo-science wild
and very controversial-
but Chris calls me a primitive!
(I try not to take it personal.)

[ChristopherSea]

(As I scientist, it's my duty to expose pseudo-scientific charlatans)

I like my pseudo-science wild
and very controversial-
but Chris calls me a primitive!
(I try not to take it personal.)


She likes her pseudo-sex mild,
she’s very incontrovertible,
but I prefer making love like primitives!
(you know, with your pants off)

[Mopkins]

She likes her pseudo-sex mild,
she’s very incontrovertible,
but I prefer making love like primitives!
(you know, with your pants off)


Pseudo-sex sounds titillating
mild or otherwise
I’ve heard of primitive love-making,
that comes as no surprise...
But what is pseudo-sex? - pray tell
an unenlightened soul-
and what organ does it swell?
does it involve a hole?

[ChristopherSea]

Pseudo-sex sounds titillating
mild or otherwise
I’ve heard of primitive love-making,
that comes as no surprise...
But what is pseudo-sex? - pray tell
an unenlightened soul-
and what organ does it swell?
does it involve a hole?

there's humping and bumping,
above the waist exposure,
but more rubbing than swelling,
surfing the denim groove

[Mopkins]

there's humping and bumping,
above the waist exposure,
but more rubbing than swelling,
while surfing in the groove


Camels are humpy and bumpy,
they’re almost always grumpy.
They hiss and they spit,
they leave piles of shit,
and their backs are awfully lumpy.