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haiku/senryu
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09-27-2014, 02:18 PM
they all have the same concept. so i thought of posting them together instead of having separate posts and take up the space.
whirlpool deep and unfathomable
your eyes
*********
blue iris
our gazes
mingle
*********
midnight blue
the love in
his eyes
*********
aquamarine
the sea in
my palm
*********
blue
the green in
my turquoise ring
09-27-2014, 10:13 PM
(09-27-2014, 02:18 PM)Tamara Wrote: they all have the same concept. so i thought of posting them together instead of having separate posts and take up the space.Not gonna touch the last two for now. I like the first 2 the most. Sorry about the font glitches, I hope you can still take something from my thoughts. Good work.  Paul
09-27-2014, 10:18 PM
i liked all your edits. i am going to change them accordingly in my blog. thank you.
they have these daily prompts here on fb and i try to write, some work , some don't. i find it helpful posting them here to make them better.
09-27-2014, 10:34 PM
Writing is always good. Keep pumping them out!
09-28-2014, 03:08 AM
i guess i need to remove the 'my' from the last two. do they read okay now?
aquamarine sea in the palm ********* blue the green in turquoise ring
09-28-2014, 07:14 AM
Yes, I think so. The personal should be implied.
09-30-2014, 01:44 AM
Hi Tamara,
(09-27-2014, 02:18 PM)Tamara Wrote: they all have the same concept. so i thought of posting them together instead of having separate posts and take up the space. These are lovely. They could work as potential lines for a tanka. Have you tried tanka poetry? Tanka are five line poems grounded in concrete images infused with lyric intensity. warm regards.
09-30-2014, 02:12 AM
i just have one tanka till now. i will try to convert the last two into a tanka.
09-30-2014, 02:25 AM
Great. :-)
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