12-24-2014, 10:09 AM
TOM, I don't write out long names, Welcome to the site.
These are my thoughts as they tumble out in no particular order.
The poem suffers from an overly simplistic view of love, et al..
"Yours lacks the most important seed" "seed" an unintentional double entendre? Unless you are trying for humor here I would try something different.
Written mainly in iambic tetrameter, although there seemed times it moved into trochee, or completely went off meter. The rhyme is XYXY, although some of the rhymes seem a bit forced. I would recommend going to iambic pentameter if you wish to do a serious subject. The longer line seems to give it greater weight. The four foot line has been used for comedy so much it seems very difficult to pull off something serious with it. The four foot line also has a tendency toward the singsong, which is not conducive for supporting a serious topic.
The subject of "Capitals" at the start of ever line. Certainly, in most poetry books one finds in schools, or has to buy, especially the anthologies, which are simply reprints from the mist of time, one sees the typography showing a Capital at the start of each line. However this does not accurately portray the current state of affairs. For reason unknown to me, although I suspect something to do with ease, or maybe convention the reason of which has been lost, earlier poetry was typeset with a capital at the start of each line. By the 1950's, a combination of realizing it made the reading much easier if one only capped the start of sentences, and advances in printing technology led to going away from capping the start of every line. To do so today, it is done out of ignorance, or out of affectation, that it, because the person thinks it makes the writing look more poetic. It does not. Anyway, your choice, but if you want to do your readers a favor, quit capping the start of every line. There is a function in MS word that one has to turn off to make it not automatically not cap a line that does not complete a carriage return. I have no idea if it is still the default in the newer versions. You will find it under Tools-->AutoCorrect uncheck the box that say "capitalize the first letter of sentences".
Once again welcome to the site,
Dale
These are my thoughts as they tumble out in no particular order.
The poem suffers from an overly simplistic view of love, et al..
"Yours lacks the most important seed" "seed" an unintentional double entendre? Unless you are trying for humor here I would try something different.
Written mainly in iambic tetrameter, although there seemed times it moved into trochee, or completely went off meter. The rhyme is XYXY, although some of the rhymes seem a bit forced. I would recommend going to iambic pentameter if you wish to do a serious subject. The longer line seems to give it greater weight. The four foot line has been used for comedy so much it seems very difficult to pull off something serious with it. The four foot line also has a tendency toward the singsong, which is not conducive for supporting a serious topic.
The subject of "Capitals" at the start of ever line. Certainly, in most poetry books one finds in schools, or has to buy, especially the anthologies, which are simply reprints from the mist of time, one sees the typography showing a Capital at the start of each line. However this does not accurately portray the current state of affairs. For reason unknown to me, although I suspect something to do with ease, or maybe convention the reason of which has been lost, earlier poetry was typeset with a capital at the start of each line. By the 1950's, a combination of realizing it made the reading much easier if one only capped the start of sentences, and advances in printing technology led to going away from capping the start of every line. To do so today, it is done out of ignorance, or out of affectation, that it, because the person thinks it makes the writing look more poetic. It does not. Anyway, your choice, but if you want to do your readers a favor, quit capping the start of every line. There is a function in MS word that one has to turn off to make it not automatically not cap a line that does not complete a carriage return. I have no idea if it is still the default in the newer versions. You will find it under Tools-->AutoCorrect uncheck the box that say "capitalize the first letter of sentences".
Once again welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.