Ray's Shakespearean Woes

[Leanne]

It's long past time the poetry world heard
of Shakespeare's love of short and dangly bits --
the Lord knows how he's come to be revered
for lazy slanting rhymes.  Yes, they're the pits.
Elision was another of his crimes --
though nob'dy'd do it now, he'd jam it in
where'er the fit -- it wasn't just the times
as people think. This vile poetic sin
has come, in minds of philistines, to be
how "poetry" should sound: anachronistic
with much abused inversions by degree
and parts that make no sense, or sound simplistic.
But everyone's a bard these days, you know,
so just sit back and bask in Willy's glow.

[billy]

i'm scratching me balls and sniggering

[Leanne]

No surprise there, that's how you spend every Sunday afternoon.

[Achebe]

'Sblood, 'tis true of modern poesy: no rhym'ster 'live would stoop so low as he.

Great little sonnet!

[Leanne]

Sonnets are silly
Shakespeare's a willy
and Ray is the strangest of all

[ellajam]

Heeeyy, I never realized I had someone to blame other than myself for all my mistakes. Thanks, Leanne.

[Leanne]

Our Ray's come back and Shakespeare's dead --
suspicious minds might wonder
if these events are somehow linked?

Did spacetime, rent asunder,
send Ray, with bilious hatred inked
in virtual intention

to make that bardic sham extinct?
The annals make no mention
of how he died, just "he was ill"

then no more old-age pension.
I say Ray Heinrich murdered Will
with his Satanic science

and fear that he is plotting still
his metrical defiance:
now Ray's returned, iamb in dread --
he's tasted blood now Shakespeare's dead.

[Achebe]

Just out of curiosity - is that an established rhyme scheme, or just one you created? It's like terza rima, but goes abc bcd cde instead of aba bcb etc. Nice.

[Leanne]

Just made it up. I do that shit sometimes. Seemed to work.

[Achebe]

Little iamb, who made thee,
dost thou know who made thee?
gave thee life, and had thee pee'd
into poetry that no one'd read?
'twas Will who willed thy existence -
(actually Wyatt, but he was a twat,
or Geoffrey Chaucer, supreme tosser,
and proud of it, a pretty cool cat),
and Will is now dead, thanks to a man from Texas
chased and run down on the I-9 by a Lexus.

[Leanne]

Wyatt and Willy and Chaucer
were drinking champagne from a saucer
when in wandered Ray,
said "Will, it's your day"
and Thomas and Geoff said "of course, sir"

The method of his execution
's unknown, as is Ray's contribution
to sonnet decay
but this paved the way
for rampant free verse revolution

[Achebe]

Wyatt and Willy and Chaucer
were drinking champagne from a saucer
when in wandered Ray,
said "Will, it's your day"
and Thomas and Geoff said "of course, sir"

The method of his execution
's unknown, as is Ray's contribution
to sonnet decay
but this paved the way
for rampant free verse revolution

[rayheinrich]

       
        An odd lady in blighted Australia;
        Dressed in lexical paraphernalia.
        She'd protest way too much,
        Diss The Bard (or some such),
        But her verse? Much the same, I can tell ya.
       
       
        Some vile lass from Australia proclaimed:
        "It's The Bard; he's been mortally maimed!"
        Then she pointed at me;
        And she screamed "It is he!"
        No one saw me.  So no, I'd been framed.