Convince me.

[Mr.Malicious]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

[Keith]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

Hi MM
This works well enough and kept my interest throughout but it is a well trodden route you take with the mad artist theme, if you are of a mind to work on the poem then you could look at how you approach the reader, what I mean is you are asking us to convince you you're not mad then you tell us about the padded cell and straitjacket, which is all a bit stereotypical you could try switch this around by giving the reader the artist first and then adding the dark and maybe try a different darkness, I like the bones and the blood of the wicked, not sure sure about duplex it doesn't really fit  in with the rest of your word choices. Thanks for the read Keith

[jmmc137]

Hmm I want to say that the request to confirm the narrator's sanity fits and doesn't fit at the same time. It contradicts the body of the piece (evidence of insanity), which can make the reader believe that this character doesn't know his/her own state of mind...which is a bit crazy. In that sense I like it. But a lot of times, a disturbed person may see themselves as completely sane (no need of convincing), but the outside world classifies them as insane. If your character took the stance that s/he was completely sane, but said things to make the reader believe that they are insane, this piece would be amazing. I did enjoy reading it as is though!

[Acephale]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad         Take away the word "that"
This padded cell is the home of artistry       Nothing wrong with this, but using nouns such as "padded cell" when speaking of madness is overdone. Take away "is"
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity. 
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint   I try not to start with 'ing' words, because it seems to throw the poem off. I would start out with "I"
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex, 
the duplex that is my mind.  I would merge these "We will paint a mural of the duplex that is my mind," though I'm not sure what you mean by duplex. Duplicity sounds more appropriate. Since you already used the word 'paint' I'd suggest finding a synonym. You could say 'create' 'construct' whatever you like.  
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

This is what it looks like with some of the suggested edits. 

Convince me I am not mad
This padded cell the home of artistry
and this straitjacket the uniform of creativity. 
I use the blood of the wicked as paint
The bones of the crooked my brush
to create a mural of my minds duplicity
For the shapeless and inhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane. 

You may want to ask yourself, who is this poem directed to? Is the cell supposed to be a metaphor for your mind, if so what is the straitjacket?

[Lip Kingdavid]

Convince me that I am not mad
I think this line is a bit wordy, maybe you should come from the other end of the spectrum with something like "convince me of my comfort" or "convince me of contentment". If you mean mad as in insane, which based on the end of the work I think you do you could try a word like 'sound', 'lucid' or 'wit'.
This padded cell is the home of artistry
I think  rather than 'home' the imagery here should muster a birthplace or a Genesis, rather than somewhere the craft was brought. I'm getting that you mean a studio more than a gallery or museum.
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
I feel like this line lends a bit of a repetitive notion to the rest of the work. I think simplifying it by relating it to the above line would work better. Something like "Their crooked bones my brushes" 
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. 
I feel like duplex doesn't quite fit. The rest of the language is rather etherial in comparison. If it has personal meaning by all means keep it in.
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
Inhuman*
tell me I am sane.

Overall you've got a good foundation to build on, albeit a bit overused. I think your language is holding you back a bit. Try sifting in some metaphors and see what words come out. 

[Jasper]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes, would sound smoother with "as" before "my brushes" 
we will paint a mural of the duplex, duplex is not the best word to use here
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

I enjoyed this poem and your extended metaphor. The contrast between madness and sanity could be better defined, as that got a bit confusing. Overall, great job on this; I liked it.

[Matthew McKeown]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

Very nice but I would suggest a little more defined madness. Hamlet style, your character  breaking the third wall. Bringing the reader in to their genius/ madness.

Something like this:

Convince me that I am not mad
For what accusation is made of me,

And if it is said, 
For having made the madness of a padded cell as a home of artistry,
And a straitjacket for the uniform of creativity.

Then how much more will this madness of mine be,
When I use the blood of the wicked as my paint
And the very bones of the crooked my brushes,

Yes / No maybe? 

Again thanks for the read,

Matt

[Tracy Mitchell]

Maybe just me, so feel free to discount all of this. The notion that creativity and/or artistic vision are a function of 'insanity' is a long standing view which has become dated. The challenges to writing a contemporary and poignant poem based on antiquated understandings of mental illness seem overwhelming. 'Insights' or 'vision' produced by neuro-chemical imbalances strike me as on par with dream-poems or drug poems. That is, self-limiting. I also think positing a bright line distinction between sane and insane, then imbuing that distinction with major significance, produces the same results. Not trying to pick a fight, just my view expressed here.

T

[Slix343]

After looking over other critiques of this poem as well as reading the poem I find that you have structured this poem as an argument. From the title "Convince me" as a sort of call to debate or perhaps just openly discuss what the speaker is feeling, to the structure of the poem itself. The placement of words opposes negative ad dangerous elements with positive ones. (Padded cell turned to artist lab, straight jacket the artists uniform. Blood and bones become brushes and paints.) This sort of structure suggests a feeling of detachment from others as a guy or gal pursues their art, become nuts or not nuts. But I have to agree with what Keith said in that the Duplex does not really fit and does little to explain why the surroundings of the speaker are truly important and by extent his mind is.

[Uncle Tony]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

I'll do no such thing, you straight crazy!  I kid, I kid.  Second line begins with "This," but it seems you went out of your way to break up a very natural rhythm by beginning the third line with "And."  Same goes for lines 4 and 5, i.e. "The blood...", The bones..." has a natural rhythm, which was broken by adding "Using..." In summation, I think you have too many unnecessary words, that in fact take away from this piece.  "Less is more."

[Bunx]

Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad It is a bit wordy, sets the tone for the piece, this is sounding like a provocative poem, use provocative language. Maybe 
"Tell me, I am not mad"
This padded cell is the home of artistry 
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity. Try switching up the word "this" for the nouns you are trying to convey. 
My padded cell is the home of artistry, this straitjacket the binds (maybe?) of creativity. 
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. Confused and fascinated by this duplex, at first I thought he was in the loony bin. Is he in his home, interacting with his neighbours? 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door inhuman?
tell me I am sane.

Really enjoyed this poem! Having some experience with mental health issue and the psych ward this drew me in. Still a bit confused as to what exactly happened in the poem. Anyways thanks for the read hope some of my suggestions helps!

[jeh]

What I am wondering about is the “blood of the wicked” and the “bones of the crooked.” How do these elements factor into your own personal mental life? You are taking fundamental basic pieces from these undesirable elements and using them to describe your own mind, but using this media in your painting seems to imply you have conquered them, when what you seem to be describing is that they hold influence over you. If you have conquered them why would you use them to paint your reality?

The other point I see is that if the “shapeless and unhuman entities” tell you that you are sane, then why do you need to be convinced that you are not mad?

[LunaDeLore]

Convince me that I am not mad
This padded cell is the home of artistry
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity.
Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind.
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door
tell me I am sane.

I appreciate what you've dared to tackle in this work. However, it's somewhat awkward to read. For example, you may want to re-think
 
L5 "the bones of the crooked my brushes" 
&
L6 "we will paint a mural of the duplex" 

Punctuation may be a consideration for me or juxtaposition an issue. Somehow, as a reader, I'm not prepared for the unity between the writer and brushes. The "we" kinda takes me by surprise. Nevertheless, it's good work and I'd like to read you're re-vision. But it's your decision 

[Leanne]

Thank you to all who have commented on this thread. The OP has not returned to acknowledge your contribution, so until that time, this thread will be closed.

Here at the Pig Pen, we appreciate the time and effort it takes to give thoughtful, constructive feedback and consider that it deserves at least a quick "thank you" and some consideration from the OP.