Holidays-If I had kids

[rowens]

Every person's house I've been in in the neighborhood has these plastic-lit trees that come up to my knee. Aint no goddamn way. . . . Halloween. All the porchlights are out. All the kids go to church parkinglots and do this thing called Trunk or Treat. Trunk or Treat; what the fuck does that even mean? If anybody is dumb enough to have kids with me, we're going to have a goddamn tree, all right. A real one. I'll go down in the woods, if there are any, and get it. And I'll be truly God damned if I'm going to take my child to a faggot ass pussy church on Halloween. I don't care if there are no porchlights on. We'll egg the whole of it. Eggshells full of piss, cum, vomit and shit! And that's how I experience religion. And holidays.

---

I got a sore feeling about this, since it's the holidays, I got a sore feeling. I'm not talking about anyone in particular, I'm just talking about everybody. . . . Except myself, who would like to have children by this time one of these years.

[billy]

listen rowens, if these things make you feel bad you shouldn't bottle them up, just spit it out

we've always had big trees with lots of decorations. we always make Christmas an event, mainly for the kids. now we still have decorations but not so many. we also forgo the tree...we have cats and were we to put a tree up with decorations the bastards would wreck it in about two seconds. i've never heard of trunk or treat, thankfully it must be an american thing

[Xlateralus]

You should hang around the bus stops, Rowens. Thats the best place to to meet people dumb enough to do just about anything. Trust me, i know, i’m there all the time.

You definitely have quite the fantasy about what having kids will be like. Past age 4-5 they won’t give two fucks about what the tree is made of so long as there is a shit ton of stuff under it. And as long as they can stuff there face with sweet treats they’ll have no interest in walking for miles in search of candy they most likely already have at their homes.

If you want a kid excited about a christmas tree, sponsor some orphaned kid for the holidays.

[rowens]

I never cared about presents when I was a kid. The smell of real Christmas tree, which I think I smelled once in somebody's house, is one of the things that has kept me alive this long. It made me evergreen.

[Quixilated]

I never cared about presents when I was a kid. The smell of real Christmas tree, which I think I smelled once in somebody's house, is one of the things that has kept me alive this long. It made me evergreen.

Sometimes your comments read like poetry.  I like this one.  

[rowens]

Yeah, but poetry isn't enough. You have to have some kind of practical sense, or else you just come off sounding crazy. Which is how I want to sound. Crazy is beautiful. I've never been in relationship with a woman who wasn't crazy. And it always ends bad. But I'm crazy too. So.

[Xlateralus]

Maybe next time don’t do anal. Not poetic, no. But effective? Maybe. Crazy chicks love anal, so I don’t blame you. But your lack of children is telling.

[ellajam]

I never cared about presents when I was a kid. The smell of real Christmas tree, which I think I smelled once in somebody's house, is one of the things that has kept me alive this long. It made me evergreen.

You may as well enjoy, you don't need a whole tree, a branch will do. Once it ages a bit rub the needles into a bowl, any container. Mmm, stir now and then, it will scent you up through January. Merry Christmas, the happiest thing is the days are getting longer.