Executive

[Semicircle]

Heel before toe, wrinkling out,
angels hum–
fluid between suits


Down the pitfalls 
he watches, giggles–
their plight 


Fumes spewing, skin encumbers.
It crawls out,
retreating back inside


spotted.

[rowens]

Never stop playing with the potentials of sounds and line significance. 
Pay attention to but don't get played by cozy purposeful looking stanzas. 


Heel before toe, wrinkling out,
angels hum–
fluid between dormant suits

Dormant


Down the pitfalls 
he watches
and giggles–
their plight 

A desperation


Fumes spewing, skin encumbers.
It crawls out,
retreating back inside


when spotted.

[Poetry In Motion]

Heel before toe, wrinkling out,
angels hum–
fluid between suits


Down the pitfalls 
he watches
and giggles–
their plight 


Fumes spewing, skin encumbers.
It crawls out,
retreating back inside


spotted.

For this one:

1. It should be: he watches, giggles, their plight... not the former.
2. What is fluid between suits? What does that mean? Elaborate.
3.What crawls out?
4. What was spotted? I don't follow.

These are what you should work on. I didn't understand half of this piece. Sorry.

Although this feels like some cryptic piece, there is a lot of vivid imagery packed in here. (which I fancy)

Anyway thanks for sharing.

Update: So it is about a man in a suit... executive. Nice. But I don't understand the spotted line along with their plight? Who's plight?

[Semicircle]

What crawls out is what was spotted, it retreats back inside.

Imagine an office environment. It's pitfalls, workers, and the executive navigating them.



Your first suggestion is appreciated.
Otherwise, I am happy with this one.

Thanks, SC