Metaphysics

[Sullivan]

Hello,
I'm trying to sharpen my writting of poems and lyrics by having in mind AI can carry me musically, if not my singer when I have a music ready to be sang on it.
I'm about to release my 3rd AI release. And As I already said, all my AI songs, lyrics are written by myself, otherwise the tool would be obsolete.
This poem is from a track of a release that's still w.i.p, named "MCI Copacabana present The Bitter End". MCI Copacabana being like a 2nd artist of myself (only mentioned when I do AI work)

Metachemistry


"Tear me to pieces now
For I have sinned greatly
Strip my soul bare
Whether you are man or woman

Rainy days satisfy me
For down here there are pretty girls
Sunny days amaze me
For I stay awake

I'm not alone in this
No, I'm not alone in this
But go to hell
If it's not for tonight

Tear me to pieces now
For I have sinned greatly
Strip my soul bare
Whether you are man or woman

The days of night are over
I think I've found the right girl
The job, the time
Without pretending

Without being alone in this
For a tip, you have to believe in it
But we're waiting for tonight
To see if it's to see each other

Dewy days satisfy me
For down here there are pretty girls
Sunny days amaze me
For I'm staying there without being on standby.

And besides, the sky isn't just for making things beautiful:
An intermediary for love and lies"

[busker]

Hi Sullivan. As a stand alone poem, this one is cliched and uninteresting.
It could still work well as song lyrics with the right melody and everything else. It's hard to say in isolation.

I can't critique the below lines except to say that they're quite bad in a stand alone poem.
I don't have the accompanying music to know if they work in a song. I would think that the basic elements of poetry - in a pinch, rhyme, if nothing else - need to be there for meaningful critique on this forum.

"The days of night are over
I think I've found the right girl
The job, the time
Without pretending"

[Sullivan]

Hi busker, Thanks for your analysis. If I may post the song, it would make more sense I guess, sadly I'm unsure I can. I actually changed the name of those lyrics/this song from Metaphysics to Metachemisrty.

[Sullivan]

@mods Can I post my songs, be it AI or not, to complete on each poem/lyrics post I make?

[Magpie]

@mods Can I post my songs, be it AI or not, to complete on each poem/lyrics post I make?

Post a link and then that way you give the choice without it cluttering up the thread.

[Sullivan]

Ok thank you.

https://youtu.be/6QsshxD2Czs?si=gCmPr-ddBHM9xfqR