Because I once loved you there

[busker]

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.

[milo]

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.

if you are wondering if the padding is obvious, the answer is a resounding yes

[busker]

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.

if you are wondering if the padding is obvious, the answer is a resounding yes

'making bandit barons kings' is a gem of a line, c'mon!! 

[milo]

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.

if you are wondering if the padding is obvious, the answer is a resounding yes

'making bandit barons kings' is a gem of a line, c'mon!! 

it would have squeaked through if it didn't directly follow ghostly ghoulish or whatever

[wasellajam]

It's in Sonnet Practice but never workshopped. I spent some time with it there, enough for it to sound familiar.

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.
I like the opening, the way a place holds an intimacy long after a personal connection is gone. I also enjoy L3/4, knowing oneself better for writing the poems or turning letters from them into poems. I can't really figure out why you put this into a rhyming form and then used there/there and me/me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
I like these lines, adventuring makes me smile.
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
These four lines seem out of place, sometimes life feels like a pirate scrimmage and if it doesn't feel like an adventure can we blame the bandit barons?
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings
moon-white?

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.
I think you can do better than "like ghosts and ghouls"

This poem has a heart that got to me enough to remember it, I think it needs more effort if you want to keep it in sonnet form or it would do well if you abandon form altogether.

Thanks for the read.

[busker]

It's in Sonnet Practice but never workshopped. I spent some time with it there, enough for it to sound familiar.

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.
I like the opening, the way a place holds an intimacy long after a personal connection is gone. I also enjoy L3/4, knowing oneself better for writing the poems or turning letters from them into poems. I can't really figure out why you put this into a rhyming form and then used there/there and me/me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
I like these lines, adventuring makes me smile.
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
These four lines seem out of place, sometimes life feels like a pirate scrimmage and if it doesn't feel like an adventure can we blame the bandit barons?
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings
moon-white?

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.
I think you can do better than "like ghosts and ghouls"

This poem has a heart that got to me enough to remember it, I think it needs more effort if you want to keep it in sonnet form or it would do well if you abandon form altogether.

Thanks for the read.

Thanks, Ella. I remembered having written it somewhere, but couldn't find it in my posts. Didn't search the poetry practice threads.
The perils of writing too much.
" This poem ... would do well if you abandon form altogether." is such a polite way of putting the point across   
 
The feedback here has been useful. I liked the ghosts and ghouls circling back at the end, but there's no escaping that it's quite a cliche, and the reader sees it as such. 
That's an important take away.

[wasellajam]

It's in Sonnet Practice but never workshopped. I spent some time with it there, enough for it to sound familiar.

Apologies if I've posted this before, perhaps in a NaPM. It was sitting in my drafts for a long time awaiting rediscovery.

Because I once loved you there

Because I once loved you there
London's precious to me.
The poems written about you there 
were really letters to me.
I like the opening, the way a place holds an intimacy long after a personal connection is gone. I also enjoy L3/4, knowing oneself better for writing the poems or turning letters from them into poems. I can't really figure out why you put this into a rhyming form and then used there/there and me/me.

Love is the only foolish
adventuring we do -
I like these lines, adventuring makes me smile.
no scraps with a ghostly, ghoulish,
pirate clipper’s crew

are had in life, spent sourly
making bandit barons kings.
These four lines seem out of place, sometimes life feels like a pirate scrimmage and if it doesn't feel like an adventure can we blame the bandit barons?
Some places keep their pearly 
moon white angels’ wings
moon-white?

because I loved you. Unaware,
like ghosts and ghouls, you’ll haunt me there.
I think you can do better than "like ghosts and ghouls"

This poem has a heart that got to me enough to remember it, I think it needs more effort if you want to keep it in sonnet form or it would do well if you abandon form altogether.

Thanks for the read.

Thanks, Ella. I remembered having written it somewhere, but couldn't find it in my posts. Didn't search the poetry practice threads.
The perils of writing too much.
" This poem ... would do well if you abandon form altogether." is such a polite way of putting the point across   
 
The feedback here has been useful. I liked the ghosts and ghouls circling back at the end, but there's no escaping that it's quite a cliche, and the reader sees it as such. 
That's an important take away.

I recently received a very helpful crit from matsuno that included these gems:

As mildly verbose sentences go, you could do a lot worse,

I think there's a second poem waiting in the wings that is considerably more ambitious and "professional."

  Well said!

I'm going to look for that second poem in the same form for mine, up to you which way you go for yours.