experimental poetry!

[J.K. Solberg]

• )pen the shades grey flowers are good by
  

       .
      : see the now blue unset, red herlips on the hereyes
     i am a mapleseedfalling goodbye
    ; for tofall is tofly is tosayyouaremy
  (
       love
                 ,

---

Questions are welcome! I know this is a very abnormal poem. It's inspired by E.E. Cummings' style. Thanks for reading and/or commenting!

[wasellajam]

Hi, JK, I haven't been able to make sense of the punctuation marks so if they say something vital to the poem I have missed it. All I can do is comment on my read on the off chance it helps.

• )pen the shades grey flowers are good by
  I have open the shades, grey flowers to me are past their "good by" date but I don't think that's what you're saying.
  

       .
      : see the now blue unset, red herlips on the hereyes
I've got a blue sky with sunset, blue eyes and red lips and tulips, really no idea why it's written this way.
     i am a mapleseedfalling goodbye
I love mapleseedfalling as it gives a bit of that helicopter glide down and reminds me of being a kid, removing the sticky seed and putting the wings on our noses. But I don't think that's where you're aiming.
    ; for tofall is tofly is tosayyouaremy
This line worked for me, the combined words flanking is/is.
  (
       love
 meh, love does not stand on its own.                ,

---

Questions are welcome! I know this is a very abnormal poem. It's inspired by E.E. Cummings' style. Thanks for reading and/or commenting!

So for me, if you have something to say I think there may be a more effective way to say it. I hope someone else has better luck with it and can be more helpful.
Thanks for posting, I hope you enjoy the site.

[Sean Puckett]

[*])pen the shades grey flowers are good by
[/list]
       .     Are the punctuations the maple seeds falling? I get that feeling 
      : see the now blue unset, red herlips on the hereyes
     i am a mapleseedfalling goodbye The ‘mapleseedfalling’ definitely feels like falling
    ; for tofall is tofly is tosayyouaremy
  (
       love it just doesn’t land for me. To generic a payoff
                 ,

---

Questions are welcome!  I know this is a very abnormal poem.  It's inspired by E.E. Cummings' style.  Thanks for reading and/or commenting!

It does have an abnormal feel. But I’ve always been a fan of “abnormal” and experimental. Like a little puzzle to figure out. Are the punctuations the “flowering seeds falling” from flower opening, down the poem?


-Addendum- It seems in my edits to try to get things just right, I have somehow completely butchered the beginning of the poem and do not know how to fix it. If this is a problem I will just redo my post. My apologies. I’ll just tap my forehead a bit firmly on this tabletop.

[wasellajam]

-Addendum- It seems in my edits to try to get things just right, I have somehow completely butchered the beginning of the poem and do not know how to fix it. If this is a problem I will just redo my post. My apologies. I’ll just tap my forehead a bit firmly on this tabletop.

Meh, don't worry about it, the formatting on this site gets everyone at some point, one of our charming quirks. If you hit Preview Post before Reply sometimes you can see how to fix it but no biggie.
In this case I don't think it interfered with your critique, perfectly clear.

[busker]

• )pen the shades grey flowers are good by
  

       .
      : see the now blue unset, red herlips on the hereyes
     i am a mapleseedfalling goodbye
    ; for tofall is tofly is tosayyouaremy
  (
       love
                 ,

---

Questions are welcome!  I know this is a very abnormal poem.  It's inspired by E.E. Cummings' style.  Thanks for reading and/or commenting!

If, as another commenter says, the dots are seeds, then there should be more of them.
I don't think it's quite working. The style should embellish the poem, not serve as a distraction. If a puzzle, the juice should be worth the squeeze