A modest life
#1
A modest life 

I have suffered, not greatly,
but modest little things
only. Not born during a raid,
orphaned at an early age,
nor grown to be cut down too soon,
but a life of a long afternoon,
at its end, tea in a set
laid out for friends not yet
fallen into a swoon,
and at night, a dog 
whose face is in the moon.
Reply
#2
(Yesterday, 11:36 AM)busker Wrote:  A modest life 

I have suffered, not greatly,
but modest little things
only. Not born during a raid,
orphaned at an early age,
nor grown to be cut down too soon,
but a life of a long afternoon,
at its end, tea in a set
laid out for friends not yet
fallen into a swoon,
and at night, a dog 
whose face is in the moon.

I would omit the article in "a long afternoon"
Lovely little poem, really precise
Reply
#3
(Yesterday, 03:30 PM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  
(Yesterday, 11:36 AM)busker Wrote:  A modest life 

I have suffered, not greatly,
but modest little things
only. Not born during a raid,
orphaned at an early age,
nor grown to be cut down too soon,
but a life of a long afternoon,
at its end, tea in a set
laid out for friends not yet
fallen into a swoon,
and at night, a dog 
whose face is in the moon.

I would omit the article in "a long afternoon"
Lovely little poem, really precise

Agree wholeheartedly - holds up a mirror, it does.  Might consider changing one of the "a's" on that line to "the" or better.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
Reply
#4
(Yesterday, 11:36 AM)busker Wrote:  A modest life 

I have suffered, not greatly,
but modest little things
only. Not born during a raid,
orphaned at an early age,
nor grown to be cut down too soon,
but a life of a long afternoon,
at its end, tea in a set
laid out for friends not yet
fallen into a swoon,
and at night, a dog 
whose face is in the moon.

A sweet poem whose modest tone exactly fits the title and content.  
One thing that's a little unclear is whether the speaker has experienced modest little sufferings, or modest little (non-suffering) things. The former is the obvious parsing, but the latter is what is listed at the end. If this is intentional or I misread it, I apologize. Perhaps that was the point.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!