Haiku (It's never enough!)
#1
It’s never enough! I cry,
watching the kitten move a q-tip
in and out of my shoe.
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#2
(06-30-2026, 01:20 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  It’s never enough! I cry,
watching the kitten move a q-tip
in and out of my shoe.

Why have you called it a haiku? Is that the joke?
That a haiku is not enough?

Regardless, it is an excellent image and a good use of enjambment.
You could turn it into a haiku/senryu but it wouldn't be as good.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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#3
(09-25-2026, 07:25 PM)Magpie Wrote:  
(06-30-2026, 01:20 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  It’s never enough! I cry,
watching the kitten move a q-tip
in and out of my shoe.

Why have you called it a haiku? Is that the joke?
That a haiku is not enough?

Regardless, it is an excellent image and a good use of enjambment.
You could turn it into a haiku/senryu but it wouldn't be as good.

Implied: "this is not a haiku"
curious why you come to this conclusion Smile

thank you for reading i appreciate the feedback and kind words
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#4
Haiku in the traditional sense of 5-7-5 doesn't really exist in modern American poetry. Japanese syntax doesn't match with english so the syllable count criteria has been abandoned.
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#5
(09-26-2026, 11:38 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  Haiku in the traditional sense of 5-7-5 doesn't really exist in modern American poetry.  Japanese syntax doesn't match with english so the syllable count criteria has been abandoned.

well - TBF - it actually does exist but has been abandoned as a standard by most practitioners
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#6
(09-26-2026, 10:43 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  Implied: "this is not a haiku"
curious why you come to this conclusion Smile

thank you for reading i appreciate the feedback and kind words

It seems more like a senryu to me as it deals more with human emotion and a human observation of the physical world.

The enjambment on the first line which leads to two possible implications of 'I cry' is a poetic device that is not 'usually' used in haiku/senryu they rely more on concrete images to convey a meaning.

For me, there is no cut, no 'aha' moment providing a revelation. There is also no kigo (season word) which are usually present within haiku and senryu.

The syllable count is of little importance to me when it comes haiku/senryu, people get too hung up on that as being the main aspect. I do however think that these ku poems should be as close to possible as a 'one breath' poem, this would be closer in essence to the original Japanese format of 5-7-5 onji. Where onji are slightly different to syllables, so 5-7-5 onji would be more like 3-5-3 in syllables.

That said, I don't class it as a haiku so I don't have any issues with any of this. 

You could turn it into something more resembling a traditional haiku/senryu :

the kitten
plays in my shoe
- i cry

now it's a senryu without a season word, but like I said before it's not as good as your original.
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
Reply
#7
(09-26-2026, 12:59 PM)Magpie Wrote:  
(09-26-2026, 10:43 AM)matsunosuperfan Wrote:  Implied: "this is not a haiku"
curious why you come to this conclusion Smile

thank you for reading i appreciate the feedback and kind words

It seems more like a senryu to me as it deals more with human emotion and a human observation of the physical world.

The enjambment on the first line which leads to two possible implications of 'I cry' is a poetic device that is not 'usually' used in haiku/senryu they rely more on concrete images to convey a meaning.

For me, there is no cut, no 'aha' moment providing a revelation. There is also no kigo (season word) which are usually present within haiku and senryu.

The syllable count is of little importance to me when it comes haiku/senryu, people get too hung up on that as being the main aspect. I do however think that these ku poems should be as close to possible as a 'one breath' poem, this would be closer in essence to the original Japanese format of 5-7-5 onji. Where onji are slightly different to syllables, so 5-7-5 onji would be more like 3-5-3 in syllables.

That said, I don't class it as a haiku so I don't have any issues with any of this. 

You could turn it into something more resembling a traditional haiku/senryu :

the kitten
plays in my shoe
- i cry

now it's a senryu without a season word, but like I said before it's not as good as your original.

thanks for the detailed explanation <3
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