visitors

[piscui]

I sob on my kitchen tiles,
my knees against the floor
bruised by previous visitors.
I frame their stays on a wall of my mind
hoping for longevity,
hoping it will work this time

Is the chaos of my home perhaps too much to return to?
How is it possible?
I thought I cleaned up

[matsunosuperfan]

I sob on my kitchen tiles,
my knees against the floor
bruised by previous visitors.
I frame their stays on a wall of my mind
hoping for longevity,
hoping it will work this time

Is the chaos of my home perhaps too much to return to?
How is it possible?
I thought I cleaned up

Hi piscui! I think this a very strong idea. Love the metaphor of the floor/knees/self being "bruised by previous visitors," that's great language-making. The extension into "wall of my mind" works for me too, though "their stays" gave me a bit of a hiccup at first (collar stays? judicial stays?). Think I can just barely swallow the almost-bathetic 'it will work this time," but repeating "hoping" makes it feel a bit *too too.* Believe a bit of restraint, not overselling the gesture, will be helpful here. 

Delete "perhaps" - it is significantly weakening the power of the home chaos question.

Might try "How did this happen?" as a more forceful follow-up than "possible?"

Love the last line. Very sharp, very clever, no trace of self-pity, only a rueful head-shake and bemused spread hands. Gives me Margaret Atwood

Thanks for sharing your work <3

[Wjames]

I sob on my kitchen tiles,
my knees against the floor
bruised by previous visitors. 
I frame their stays on a wall of my mind
hoping for longevity,
hoping it will work this time hoping what will work this time?

Is the chaos of my home perhaps too much to return to?
How is it possible?
I thought I cleaned up maybe 'I thought I was clean' would be nicer?

Hello Piscui, I think this is an interesting poem, to my read about repeated one night stands, despite hoping for something more lasting.