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10-11-2010, 06:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-11-2010, 06:32 PM by billy.)
over mountain clouds
vee's of geese fly south
the dead goat is salted
no one else can feel
the dog pissing on my foot
a kick swells it's balls
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The first one reminds me of a famous haiku which I read today, whilst browsing my college library. Nice little image, well related. Not much more I can say really.
The second is my favourite; though, without the seasonal word or nature reference, isn't it more of a senryu? Nonetheless, it's witty and clever. Though "it's," being as it is a possessive term, shouldn't have an apostrophe.
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i think i mixed up which two went where lmao. the 2nd one is a senryu
thanks for the feedback jack.
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I really like the first one. Paints such a distinct picture of rural life.
The second one... is certainly the most unique senryu I've seen LOL
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Liked them both, second one hysterical! Thanks
Bianca
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thanks addy and bianca fro the kind feedback.