08-29-2012, 01:37 AM
I like this poem. It's fleshy with the flesh of a brain in the nervous grip of sudden inspiration. Now it's rushing home, strugglng with the approaching task at hand. It's trying to conserve something, while at the same time, it has to change it.
I'd want to make a few alterations. I'm thinking about making a study of this painting.
You should go through it again yourself, and consider if you like the shape you've given it, and make sure all the phrases link together to say what you mean to say.
I think, for one thing, "this brush of words" has a better tone than "the brush of words" since it's the artist that is thinking, rather than the poet that is writing, whose voice we hear. "This" allows "brush" to have more than one meaning; not that that's necessary.
I'd want to make a few alterations. I'm thinking about making a study of this painting.
You should go through it again yourself, and consider if you like the shape you've given it, and make sure all the phrases link together to say what you mean to say.
I think, for one thing, "this brush of words" has a better tone than "the brush of words" since it's the artist that is thinking, rather than the poet that is writing, whose voice we hear. "This" allows "brush" to have more than one meaning; not that that's necessary.