12-02-2012, 04:45 AM
Hi Arriedo, a few comments for you:
I'm not sure the we stand's add much for you. You could cut them and pull afraid up a line and have it provide a layered meaning.
Incarcerated afraid
to stage a liberation
in our suits...
Just a thought...
I really liked your future line also you could maybe look to condense a little by cutting away and worded. The line is good enough to consider opening the poem with it.
Again just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
I'm not sure the we stand's add much for you. You could cut them and pull afraid up a line and have it provide a layered meaning.
Incarcerated afraid
to stage a liberation
in our suits...
Just a thought...
I really liked your future line also you could maybe look to condense a little by cutting away and worded. The line is good enough to consider opening the poem with it.
Again just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson