The onset of winter

[Todd]

Hi Jae,

Welcome to the site!

Here are a few comments for your poem:

First love the title, it's evocative and draws me in.

Her beauty stood pale against the cold dead grey--I'm not sure what stood buys you aside from the personification I'd be tempted to cut it and put a comma after beauty. Beside that one word for me it's a nice opening line. I like cold dead grey for coming winter weather it's the season or an emotional state.
She could feel his presence drawing ever closer--a bit wordy here, see if you can do away with things like "she could feel" This is mild so I don't intend to go line by line, but consider looking for phrases you could cut and don't be so concerned about the narrative transitions
His huge expanse surrounded her--expanse gives a sense of huge. Maybe there's another word that could give you a different tone (i.e., bleak expanse, etc).
Setting her delicateness in absolute shadow
I told you did I not
His cold dead lips spit as he spoke
With frost bitten hands he gripped at her throat
I am your great castigator
A deathly instrument sent to rip you violently from your place
Not even your beauty will bring tear to my cold dead eye
I swear it now you will die
But as he spit and raged her slender beauty stood poised
Loving and defiant, her hope seemed viscous--viscous is a great word
Even as he squeezed tighter
Draining the last of the air from her life giving lungs
She knew that after all this death would come life
So with elegant grace she gave up the fight
And the world watched on in silence to the death of a flower--this is a great final surprise. Here's the thing throughout though you could pare down a lot of this poem to make it tighter and get to the ending quicker. I think that's what I'd look to do in your place. You have some nice ideas here, and this could be a very effective poem.

Again, welcome!

Best,

Todd