His words could also be italicized it may look cleaner.
You seem to be having some minor issues with the formatting tags. Check some of the topics Mark put up in "How to Use the Pig Pen".
Still look at some areas to pare down that are unnecessarily redundant:
His venomous lips spit as he spoke (for example why do you need as he spoke here?)
While I have no problem with anyone disagreeing with me, the reason I don't like stood in line one is beauty doesn't stand in itself. It feels like a sloppy construction to me. It could just be me.
Also, is a flower concerned with air (the lungs line) or is it more the blotting out of heat or sunlight.
Just thoughts. It doesn't all have to be too literal, but that's where I was coming from.
You're making some good progress with this.
Best,
Todd
You seem to be having some minor issues with the formatting tags. Check some of the topics Mark put up in "How to Use the Pig Pen".
Still look at some areas to pare down that are unnecessarily redundant:
His venomous lips spit as he spoke (for example why do you need as he spoke here?)
While I have no problem with anyone disagreeing with me, the reason I don't like stood in line one is beauty doesn't stand in itself. It feels like a sloppy construction to me. It could just be me.
Also, is a flower concerned with air (the lungs line) or is it more the blotting out of heat or sunlight.
Just thoughts. It doesn't all have to be too literal, but that's where I was coming from.
You're making some good progress with this.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson