The onset of winter

[Todd]

The magic can also go out of a poem if one of the parts is off too. All approaches have merit. There's only so far we can go in mild though.

We should probably take this up in another thread if we want to explore this further so as not be unfair to this thread.
[/quote]

Just a question. Should I repost this in another thread and there I could explain what I was trying for in each line Then maybe you could let me know if I'm anywhere near.
As I've said I'm completely new to poetry so any and all help is very appreciated.
[/quote]

Jae, we could move this to serious if you wanted that. Telling us what you intended for each line though might be counterproductive. In general while its okay to make some comments for clarity, extensive comments can make it hard for you to know if the poem conveyed the idea, or if your explanation is what people are seeing. If you wanted me to, I could give you a line by line on what I think you're saying, and you can see if I'm getting what you think I should.

The truth is though I don't think the issues with the poem are clarity issues more tightening of the ideas.

Best,

Todd