The onset of winter

[billy]

words that aren't needed are best removed. a word that over extends a phrase or moment by making it less precise or powerful does a line a disservice. usually it's called excess, baggage, or verbiage. the less of it we have in a poem, the better the poem usually is, (of course there are some exceptions) i've bolded out words that seem to be verbiage.

Her beauty stood pale against the cold dead grey
His presence looming ever closer
His huge expanse besieged her
Casting hope into silhouette
I told you did I not
His venomous lips spit as he spoke spat
With frost bitten hands he gripped at her throat
I am your great castigator
A malignant instrument set from on high
Not even heaven can turn my chiding eye
I swear it now you will die
But as he spit and raged her slender beauty stood poisedspat, and a comma after raged,
Her hope seemed viscous
Even as he squeezed tighter
Draining the last of the air from her life giving lungs
She knew that after all this death, would come life
So with elegant grace she gave up the fight
And the world watched on in silence to the death of a flower

---

this is is my revision on my revised revision.2nd edit

you have some really good stuff happening here. but some of the good stuff is buried under excess. the woman (flower) is being murdered by him (winter) the way you write it needs to carry that fear, that melodrama of life and death. some of the lines work well the metaphor of winter killing works well. the title works well.

well well well

seriously. a great effort. i see your problem as being unable to to decide what's right and what's not. one person says this, another says that and yet more say something else. my suggestion is to read the poem aloud, after the edit, read all the edits aloud in a normal voice. pick what works for you, not what we say works for us, all our words are, are suggestions for you to use. one thing to remember is; if a lot of people say something is wrong then the odds are 'that something' needs looking at.

sorry for over critiquing in the mild forum, i got a feel you were unsure of what route to take.