12-15-2012, 11:56 PM
One thing Jae, As I read this I want to be surprised by the last line. I don't want to think the poem is talking about a flower until the very end. I liked that the first time I read the poem. So, I would not title it the death of a flower as that is the reveal.
In fact looking back at earlier edits, I would consider ending on a shortened version of the line:
at the death of a flower
One thing the newest edit does well is it eliminates lines that robed the death of a flower with tension: "knowing after death there would be life". That was a good cut.
Just thoughts
In fact looking back at earlier edits, I would consider ending on a shortened version of the line:
at the death of a flower
One thing the newest edit does well is it eliminates lines that robed the death of a flower with tension: "knowing after death there would be life". That was a good cut.
Just thoughts
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson