A Tear Shreds

[brandontoh]

I feel that you're trying to fly when you don't even know how to walk yet. I understand your desire to create something truly unique, something that no one else has done before, but to do that, you need to hone your skills and understand different techniques then apply them to your poetry. The thing about revising your poem here is not to craft a perfect poem, it's to compare and contrast the effect before and after the change, and draw the appropriate lessons from there. What I suggest is for you to read more poetry. The way, at least in my opinion, to create a truly unique poem is to make use of insightful imagery, by associating things that others never think of with something else, and having it make logical sense. So, read more poetry, and figure out what you really mean by "something never done before", because as you are now, I don't think you can answer that question.

Onto the poem itself, you say you want readers to analyse the poem and think about what it means. You want it vague, you want it enigmatic without making it too surreal or abstract. To do that, however, will require a certain amount of hints sprinkled throughout the poem. Hints that when glued together with some brain power will provide a full picture of what you want them to see. This poem has not done that, and I believe that the others have already pointed out the specifics for you.