01-13-2013, 08:13 AM
Hi EmmaOline, welcome to the site!
I see you've posted a few poems. Remember to give others feedback on what you like and don't about their poems.
Here are some comments for you:
First suggestion: Read your poem out loud slowly. You'll see some typos and hear some rough spots just by slowing down and paying attention.
Second Suggestion: Think of ways to deepen the content. What this comes across as, is who am I (woe is me), and at the end we're told the speaker is scared. Rather than telling us a list of statements try using imagery to help us to see what's going on.
Wordsworth wrote: I wandered lonely as a cloud
Which is much, much stronger than I'm lonely
Try going under the statements and paint word pictures for us.
Best,
Todd
I see you've posted a few poems. Remember to give others feedback on what you like and don't about their poems.
Here are some comments for you:
First suggestion: Read your poem out loud slowly. You'll see some typos and hear some rough spots just by slowing down and paying attention.
Second Suggestion: Think of ways to deepen the content. What this comes across as, is who am I (woe is me), and at the end we're told the speaker is scared. Rather than telling us a list of statements try using imagery to help us to see what's going on.
Wordsworth wrote: I wandered lonely as a cloud
Which is much, much stronger than I'm lonely
Try going under the statements and paint word pictures for us.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson