What?

[Wjames]

I sing my dance; you dance your song.
Together tethered to existence,
we act upon our soul‘s insistence,

Why does the mark in 'soul's' look as it does compared to other such marks in this poem?

to dare and dream to find…? What exactly?


I like how "What exactly?" stands out.




Destined to die,
we spend our days as slaves
so we can spend our nights upon the couch.


This is true of many people...

An accountant makes an honest buck
And he’ll find a girl if he’s on his luck.
But if churning numbers is really living,
What is dying?




The golden age of capitalism is beat,
misery floods the sinking streets.
While seven billion poets fill the air
with words now spoken, for only the ten trillionth time.


This stanza feels awkward, but somewhat effective.

Stars explode, the earth erodes;
trees tumble to their birthplace.
Our self-important spirit’s stony resolve cracks
as the years wear on.
The tired soldier smiles as the bullet hits.


And this stanza just doesn't seem to have much force. The images are awkward. Not as effective as the one before, but still has its charms.

Thanks, I've changed the poem based on your comments. It really is helpful to have people comment on your poems. I'll give some critiques soon, but I don't know how useful my advice will be.