01-26-2013, 04:43 PM
Very clear and effective imagery. The only thing I don't like about it is the last line. But it's mainly a personal bias, because I believe that love is just part of youth. Yeah. Though I'd change the "They cannot conceive" and "of what follows" lines into something like "They end up like" and "The aftermath". I'm just a sucker for similes. =x
The Finger
e5
Slowly, but surely,
It extends.
Upright mast,
Rising, till it's
No longer flaccid.
Symbolism, yes,
But nothing deep.
Unless you want it up
Where the sun doesn't shine.
The message's clear.
From peasant to knight;
Oppressed to oppressor:
Step down your high horse,
And fuck off!
-----------------------------------------
=x By the way it's not meant to be offensive. >< It's because of the pawn structure on the e, f and g files.
The Finger
e5
Slowly, but surely,
It extends.
Upright mast,
Rising, till it's
No longer flaccid.
Symbolism, yes,
But nothing deep.
Unless you want it up
Where the sun doesn't shine.
The message's clear.
From peasant to knight;
Oppressed to oppressor:
Step down your high horse,
And fuck off!
-----------------------------------------
=x By the way it's not meant to be offensive. >< It's because of the pawn structure on the e, f and g files.
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