You're Out!

[brandontoh]

You're Out!
The bat's dropped,
Thud unheard.
All that's left,
A sandstorm trail.

Ball flying low,
Then it skids,
Rippling on the sandy lake. I feel temperature when I read this; it is possible that that is because I live in hot climate -- to see an object other than water or paper "ripple," I see heat waves.

Eye on target, square in sight.
Wee upward curve speaks aplomb.
Sweeping dive, time for progress.
Now, wait for the grit curtain
To fall. I see this happen in slow motion; nice.

Wait, the baseman is touching.
When?
How?
Peek at the foot, a gap revealed.
Small in number, large in scale.

Eyelids shut, lead heart sinks,
As umpire avers with 2 syllables.
Like a dull thud. "Thud" again?

This is a gorgeous swan song, whether literal or figurative (is it either?). I like how the rhythm successfully makes a fast moment seem to happen slowly.

Thanks for the feedback. =) The repeated thud is deliberate. I'm trying to go for how in the beginning the sound is tuned out but at the end it's heard, though of a different form. So I'm guessing it doesn't carry over as well as I thought huh? It started out as a pawn capture in my poetry chess game with Todd. Now, as it stands, it's just literal I guess.