drugs, sex, money and lies

[brandontoh]

"Why are his pupils stretching, reaching for sclera" -- I love that image!

Been there, but the addiction wasn't coke, it was porn. Nice.

I wonder what you'd think about shortening the last strophe a bit, to something like:

"Trapped beneath this blanket of snow,
all my money up the nose"

Rants suit you

There's such a thing as addiction to porn?? o.O

He chooses himself over you. He makes you believe he loves you, -- In my opinion the first 5 words can be removed. Starting with "he makes you believe he loves you" just feels more powerful.
but he only loves himself.
What do you do, when you realize you’ve lived appeased? When you realize he could never please you. His priority never was you,
You are only here to support him. To court him. To forgive his bad habits so quickly he thinks it is permission to snort them.. --The rest of the stanza is really nice. =) I like the imagery and the short sentences.

You worked your ass off for that cash.
Why does he feel no guilt? Why does his face stay the same?
Why are his pupils stretching, reaching for sclera when he claims to be innocent like a cherub?
....
What about my eyes. Dry...why?
Why??
Why am I still here? -- Oh wow, the emotions are showing. I really like this stanza. The ellipses is a delicate touch that makes the stanza come alive. =)


I am trapped.
I can't get out.
I am frozen under a blanket of snow..
All of my money is spent and up the nose. -- I feel that the first 2 lines can be removed. Ending with the last 2 lines as a couplet in my opinion has more impact, and besides the idea of being trapped is being carried across already.

Not sure why I'm doing a critique, but I really like this poem. =)