02-03-2013, 12:55 PM
That form feels like an extended senryu. I don't really like it though. It's quite a weird one. The next one is free verse, because I'm doing it on my iPhone.
Rowens: Do give us the details.
The March
g4
What used to be
The green canopy
And impressive velvet
Is now a mere shell scrape.
Not enough room
To stretch, to even stand.
They marched to make merry,
For their favourite child.
Wistful imagining
Removed bloodshed,
And made heroes out of them.
They then marched back to sleep,
Cramped in the bunk.
Until the veteran yellow is awarded,
And they keep warm with dust blankets.
The toy soldiers miss the march,
Wishing upon the light sliver
To tread ever so softly
On the green canopy once again.
----------------------
This is more like a first draft than anything, now that I read it again. Written when I was feeling rather frustrated. Writing on the iPhone is not as easy or convenient as its supposed to be.
Rowens: Do give us the details.
The March
g4
What used to be
The green canopy
And impressive velvet
Is now a mere shell scrape.
Not enough room
To stretch, to even stand.
They marched to make merry,
For their favourite child.
Wistful imagining
Removed bloodshed,
And made heroes out of them.
They then marched back to sleep,
Cramped in the bunk.
Until the veteran yellow is awarded,
And they keep warm with dust blankets.
The toy soldiers miss the march,
Wishing upon the light sliver
To tread ever so softly
On the green canopy once again.
----------------------
This is more like a first draft than anything, now that I read it again. Written when I was feeling rather frustrated. Writing on the iPhone is not as easy or convenient as its supposed to be.
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