02-17-2013, 09:09 PM
I really like the original, but the idea of parallel poems is inspired and the edit has improved an already great poem.
there were only two things I thought when I read it initially [but this is if it were me, and therefor just stylistic things really; feel free to ignore them at your leisure]; firstly, i can't help pluralizing 'binding', but it may be an 's' too far as 'suns rise and set...' follows closely, but the pace of the poem seems to allow for it.
secondly, '...between one another', although I really like this line and what it conveys, i personally would have to change 'one another'. Maybe to 'each other', it sounds more personal to me [but that could be a long 'e' too far
].
regardless, I really like it.
there were only two things I thought when I read it initially [but this is if it were me, and therefor just stylistic things really; feel free to ignore them at your leisure]; firstly, i can't help pluralizing 'binding', but it may be an 's' too far as 'suns rise and set...' follows closely, but the pace of the poem seems to allow for it.
secondly, '...between one another', although I really like this line and what it conveys, i personally would have to change 'one another'. Maybe to 'each other', it sounds more personal to me [but that could be a long 'e' too far
]. regardless, I really like it.