My Tears Are Made of Chalk - 2nd Edit

[Todd]

Okay, I'm back. Here are some comments for you to consider.

It's novice so I'll keep this light.

First, consider making your first line your title. Its so much more evocative. It would draw readers in better.

I experimented with shorter lines, but personally wasn't satisfied with them. I could see breaking after cry and create on L2 but it felt artificial.

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

My tears are made of chalk
Children wait for me to cry so that they may create rainbows on the driveway
Rain washes them away before the colors have returned to my face--maybe simplify the beginning phrasing "which the rain washes away..."
My skin is made of vegetables--possibly do strophe breaks at each switch of image
My kids will lick my arms and hands but only if I make them--play with the physical image more as you did with the chalk earlier
Meanwhile I give new meaning to the term - vegetative state.
My hair is made of fireflies
Each strand shines brightly in the night with a beer on every split end--the beer part isn't resonating with me in the imagery. It could just be me
In the morning they are captured and pinned amongst fragrance free sheets
My fingernails are indestructible
I baby them like they are my future sons and daughters learning to drive in a Hummer.
When they brake, I cry tears of joy, and they stare at me incredulously.
My chest has moved in with an elephant
He leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and never does the dishes
My chest tried to leave him but there is always such a thin line between love and hate
My stomach is full of ash
I can’t do anything about it. I tried to swallow a fly.
Perhaps I’ll die.

Love the ending A LOT! I'm going to hold off from commenting any more at this point to respect that you posted in novice.

Every time I open a new thread I want to love the poem. It worked this time.

Thank you,

Todd