02-21-2013, 11:48 AM
Thanks again to everyone for all the feedback. I have been working on an edit which I will post below but I am uncertain about some places. But I'm done looking at it! Haha, need to take a step back so thought I would get some help. Agh! Editing can be so hard 
Edit
My Tears are Made of Chalk
My tears are made of chalk
Children wait for me to cry so they may create rainbows on the driveway
Rain washes them away before the colors return to my face
My skin is made of vegetables
My kids will lick my arms and hands but only if I threaten with no dessert
Meanwhile I give new meaning to the term - vegetative state.
My hair is made of fireflies
Each strand shines brightly in the night with a beer on every split end
Dimmed in the morning, they are captured and pinned amongst fragrance free sheets
My fingernails are indestructible
I baby them like they are my future sons and daughters learning to drive in a Hummer.
When they break, I cry tears of joy, and they stare at me incredulously.
My chest moved in with an elephant
He leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and never does the dishes
My chest tried to leave him; but there is always such a thin line between want and need
My stomach is full of ash
I can’t do anything about it. I tried to swallow a fly.
Perhaps I’ll die.
1st Draft
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
My tears are made of chalk
Children wait for me to cry so that they may create rainbows on the driveway
Rain washes them away before the colors have returned to my face
My skin is made of vegetables
My kids will lick my arms and hands but only if I make them
Meanwhile I give new meaning to the term - vegetative state.
My hair is made of fireflies
Each strand shines brightly in the night with a beer on every split end
In the morning they are captured and pinned amongst fragrance free sheets
My fingernails are indestructible
I baby them like they are my future sons and daughters learning to drive in a Hummer.
When they brake, I cry tears of joy, and they stare at me incredulously.
My chest has moved in with an elephant
He leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and never does the dishes
My chest tried to leave him but there is always such a thin line between love and hate
My stomach is full of ash
I can’t do anything about it. I tried to swallow a fly.
Perhaps I’ll die.
(So I'm not sure about the "want and need," I might like it better..? I think I'll know in a few days. Also the "threaten with no dessert" maybe goes a little too far. Decided to leave L3 alone for now. Thanks again for any help..
)
Edit
My Tears are Made of Chalk
My tears are made of chalk
Children wait for me to cry so they may create rainbows on the driveway
Rain washes them away before the colors return to my face
My skin is made of vegetables
My kids will lick my arms and hands but only if I threaten with no dessert
Meanwhile I give new meaning to the term - vegetative state.
My hair is made of fireflies
Each strand shines brightly in the night with a beer on every split end
Dimmed in the morning, they are captured and pinned amongst fragrance free sheets
My fingernails are indestructible
I baby them like they are my future sons and daughters learning to drive in a Hummer.
When they break, I cry tears of joy, and they stare at me incredulously.
My chest moved in with an elephant
He leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and never does the dishes
My chest tried to leave him; but there is always such a thin line between want and need
My stomach is full of ash
I can’t do anything about it. I tried to swallow a fly.
Perhaps I’ll die.
1st Draft
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
My tears are made of chalk
Children wait for me to cry so that they may create rainbows on the driveway
Rain washes them away before the colors have returned to my face
My skin is made of vegetables
My kids will lick my arms and hands but only if I make them
Meanwhile I give new meaning to the term - vegetative state.
My hair is made of fireflies
Each strand shines brightly in the night with a beer on every split end
In the morning they are captured and pinned amongst fragrance free sheets
My fingernails are indestructible
I baby them like they are my future sons and daughters learning to drive in a Hummer.
When they brake, I cry tears of joy, and they stare at me incredulously.
My chest has moved in with an elephant
He leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and never does the dishes
My chest tried to leave him but there is always such a thin line between love and hate
My stomach is full of ash
I can’t do anything about it. I tried to swallow a fly.
Perhaps I’ll die.
(So I'm not sure about the "want and need," I might like it better..? I think I'll know in a few days. Also the "threaten with no dessert" maybe goes a little too far. Decided to leave L3 alone for now. Thanks again for any help..
)