02-28-2013, 07:38 AM
Being trapped here in the middle of nowhere, and other unfortunate events, from time to time I live off of long books and long poems. And write them too. Now I'm stuck on the computer, which makes me uncomfortable.
But your poem doesn't seem verbose as much as it has so much that's been said so many times. The length would be fine if you could sustain the same force through the entire thing. But like most have said, you can concentrate on more original and powerful parts, and cut the rest.
You can say the same things, share the same views and complaints, because they make sense. But to make the poem work, and to get people involved in it on some deeper levels, you have to find new ways to say things. Well, you don't have to, but it's worth attempting.
But your poem doesn't seem verbose as much as it has so much that's been said so many times. The length would be fine if you could sustain the same force through the entire thing. But like most have said, you can concentrate on more original and powerful parts, and cut the rest.
You can say the same things, share the same views and complaints, because they make sense. But to make the poem work, and to get people involved in it on some deeper levels, you have to find new ways to say things. Well, you don't have to, but it's worth attempting.