Chiromancy

[Crepuscule]

Okay, I've gone back on what I said and drafted a new edit. The observant will notice I've attempted to formalize it. It's not finished yet, but I'd appreciate opinions on whether it's worth continuing with.

Edit 2.0

I woke and lay and watched the nascent sun,
dilute the screen of darkness as it crept.
Forms emerged from shadow as it shone
I traced the lines on your hand as you slept.
Your beaded heart line, red and emerging --
"emotional", "flirtatious", "passionate".
Your broken life line spoke of suffering;
an indistinct and clouded line of fate.
But on your wrists, concealed by beads and thread,
where rascettes indicate longevity,
new lines, fresh-scarred and faded pink. They said
you'd tried to cut away despondency.

more to come





Edit 1.5.1

Chiromancy

I woke and lay and watched
the nascent sun seeping,
diluting the screen of dark.
Forms emerging --
your arms and your hands.
I read your fortune as you slept.

I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
fate and, below the rest,
concealed by beads and
woven thread:
bracelet rascettes, augmented.
Carved from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized.
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn,
vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.[/small]

[size=x-small]Original:

I woke and lay and watched
The nascent blushing sun
Penetrate the room.
Nebulous forms emerging,
Your arms and your hands.
I read your fortune as you slept.

I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
Fate and, below the rest,
Eclipsed by beads and
Woven thread:
Rascette, augmented.
Etched from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized.
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn,
Vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.