Chiromancy

[milo]

there is some here that is quite good, and some that is not.

I woke and lay and watched

fine so far

The nascent blushing sun

this is just awful. It is blushingly faux-poetic

Penetrate the room.

yah, sex sells, we get it

Nebulous forms emerging,

once again - nebulous forms? - yuck

Your arms and your hands.
I read your fortune as you slept.

while this is quite good


I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
Fate and, below the rest,
Eclipsed by beads and
Woven thread:
Rascette, augmented.
Etched from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized.
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

much of this is very good. I am not so hot on "Eclipsed" or "beneath the rest" but the rest is good


You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn,
Vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.

Vulnerable and exposed is a little hamfisted but it would probably pass through

Overall, not a bad first draft, you still have some work to do. Focus on the details, that is what makes it fun

good luck

milo