Chiromancy

[billy]

shamefully, i had to google the title

are comma's needed when you use two and in succession as you have twice? in places, i'd like more, at present i see you watching her in the dawn's sun, possibly reading her palm, and she wakes. she's vulnerable, i know this because you tell me so but why? what makes this reading or morning special? the poem isn't bad but it leaves me thinking, is that it? while some poems like that work, it seems you put too much into this one for it to say just that. maybe drastically shorten it or build it up and show us something a bit more in depth.

I woke and lay and watched normally i'd say cut the first and but here it works in setting up a mood
The nascent blushing sun, is blushing needed? though i can see blushing as ruddy.
Penetrate the room. should it be penetrates
Nebulous forms emerging,
Your arms and your hands. (are these the nebulous forms)?
I read your fortune as you slept. is there a conflict of tense? would sleep work better?

I traced the lines.
Head line, heart line,
Fate and, below the rest,
Eclipsed by beads and
Woven thread:
Rascette, augmented.
Etched from Venus to the Moon.
Epithelialized. not sure the word choice here works, or is there an old wound we don't know of?
Stretched, still-pink, fading.

You woke and smiled and
I smiled back.
But I knew your smile was newborn, is but needed
Vulnerable. Exposed.
I held you and said nothing.