I Lay

I Lay

Heartafire Offline

Senior Member

Posts: 136
Threads: 28
Joined: Dec 2012

04-10-2013, 02:50 AM

Hi Zero, I am impressed with this piece. Cidermaid is correct in the proper use of lay and lie, though I still like that way "lay" plays
(cute!) in this lovely poem. My distraction came with the lines that seem to run on. I think I would review those to see if you can break those in some way and still keep the rhythm and flow.. Some very fine writing here.
my best,
Heart

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Messages In This Thread

I Lay - by Zero - 04-09-2013, 04:38 PM

RE: I Lay - by cidermaid - 04-10-2013, 01:43 AM

RE: I Lay - by Heartafire - 04-10-2013, 02:50 AM

RE: I Lay - by Crepuscule - 04-10-2013, 03:32 AM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 08:04 AM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 02:02 PM

RE: I Lay - by Crepuscule - 04-10-2013, 03:52 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 04:04 PM

RE: I Lay - by Crepuscule - 04-10-2013, 04:21 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 03:31 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 04:00 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 04:12 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 04:20 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 04:33 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 04:43 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 04:52 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 05:37 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 05:58 PM

RE: I Lay - by milo - 04-10-2013, 06:42 PM

RE: I Lay - by Zero - 04-10-2013, 08:06 PM

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