Once - Edited

[billy]

mainly the poem deals with abstracts; words or thoughts that are intangible. use some images to show us you open the poem with once, which is also the name of the title, why not start it a river ran (both of which are cliche) you could turn it into a metaphor;
I am a river...

make it original add some images, remove words like hates, emotion, loves, etc.

Once a river ran
inside of me.
Emotions unsettled unsettled or balanced? it confuses me
balance, flowing
smoothly.

Lovers lounged
beneath the trees,
nourished by its
movement. why, how?

Salmon swam
against the stream,
headstrong and
determined. this is probably the best stanza but the cliche in the 1st 2 lines of such a short stanza isn't good

Once I felt hates
pitch black night.
Scowling madness,
eyes alight with
angst.

Once I felt loves
full moon glow.
Perfect stillness,
each moment slowly
slipping.

Once I felt loves
setting sun.
Destroyed myself
regretting one
mistake.

Once,
I felt something.