Where I must be...edit 2, trueenigma,edit 1. billy the cliche killer

[Truerenigma]

I need to be where buzzards broach the bosom bens,
cupped in white cotton kufi and pure as faith and prayer.
I need to feel the brittle breeze first numb my brow and then
upon my cheek, sharp needles shed from high, dry sticks;
I feel no pricks,
just pine scent in the gloaming air.

I need to be where snow-swans slide on silver trays;
in leaf-dark shaded water, glass paned on sun-sweat days.
I need to drink fast streams that leach from bryophytic braes;
clear as poitin, peat-soft but strained through quartz and sand.
I sip the land,
as raindrops fling in Highland haze.

I need to be where sea sobs shore...
Where wild hart roar…
Where stars are crushed…
Where nights are hushed…
Where air is made…
Where time will fade.

I need to be
where I must be.

Tectak
Shieldaig
2013

The buzzards are still a problem, I know you want snow-capped mountains, but because you started your sentence talking about buzzards, first what they are doing and then what they are wearing, it becomes amusing.

The music, as I said before is quite nice. I know you need "quartz and sand" for your music, but otherwise quartz is useless and the technician in me says find something else.

"I sip the land" is perfect.

I see some qualms over bryophytic but they are ridiculous, the words has a beautiful Scottish lilt to it and, geez, how lazy can people get when google is everywhere now?

I might, if I was being picky, complain about raindrops dancing as I believe they made a car wax with a similar name so it /might/ be cliche.

sea sobs shore is good
wild hart roar is good


the language does fade at the end, but so be it, it is certainly dense enough throughout to support.

cheers

milo

The qualms were not over having to look it up. It felt out of place, as the rest of the descriptions are glossed in highly animated, yet simple, alliteration. I've been trying to recite it with a Scottish lilt now and it sounds much better, although my attempt a Scottish accent is just terrible.