An April Stroll (second edit)

[Volaticus]

I couldn't resist this tiny edit....

Ducks peck in the pond
Paddle in slush-iced-water
My sandwich - their lunch.

Those greedy ducks

Hi Amy,
I like your line much better than mine. I'll have to come up with a new line, though I am tempted to steal yours It was cute, in a humorous way

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I tried to do a haiku, with an idea I got from a walk outside :-) I'm not quite sure if it's done right, though?

An April Stroll
Ducks peck in the pond
Paddle in slush-iced-water
I pour out my lunch.

a lot of action for a haiku, maybe a senryu?

milo

Hi milo,
Yeah, I see what you mean. I think I'll do some more reading on haikus and senryus then

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I tried to do a haiku, with an idea I got from a walk outside :-) I'm not quite sure if it's done right, though?

An April Stroll
Ducks peck in the pond
Paddle in slush-iced-water
I pour out my lunch.

really solid effort, using a title is optional.
i'd suggest swapping pond and water round, that way the duck are pecking water and paddling in an iced pond. not sure slush is needed.

it seem soup is lunch but it feels a little ambiguous so why not say what it is,

coffee for lunch again

soup for lunch again the options are endless.
don't worry too much about 575

great effort

Hi billy,
Thanks a lot for your critique and kind words
Great idea swapping water and pond! Makes much more sense that way.
About the slush: I wanted to give it a bit of humor. Can't quite decide if that's basis enough to keep the word slush.
And you're right. It has to be something concrete, in the last line. I'll work on that. Thanks, you've been very helpful