Anonymous

[tectak]

Anonymous

If I could give you something to remind you of me,
To look back and revive in years to come,
I’d give you a house full of memories,
Because memories grow deeper in time.
We’d build it together to cherish forever,
Then we’d lock it with a strong hearted key,
Protected from harsh times and poor weather,
We will live our lives together day by day.
We would be warm and safe in just one bed,
This life would be ideal for you and me,
All the troubles outside would cause no doubt,
We’d live together in eternity.6
Till you see me again and live in me,
I will wait for you anonymously.

I got an A for this sonnet as part of my English folio and so I want to share this with whoever reads and I hope they enjoy.

Hi,
No.It is not a sonnet. I can see it now. You got an A because you could count to 14...but there is more to it than that!
Let's just call it a poem. OK.The punctuation is haphazard and the rhyme scheme is scatty. It is not really telling me anything I cannot find in a valentine card. It is not an enjoyable read. That's the good bit.
What to do?
Go away and read some good poetry. Do that today. Nothing too heavy. I think Wordsworth would suit your aspirations.

Sonnets from The River Duddon: After-Thought

I thought of Thee, my partner and my guide,
As being past away.—Vain sympathies!
For, backward, Duddon! as I cast my eyes,
I see what was, and is, and will abide;
Still glides the Stream, and shall for ever glide;
The Form remains, the Function never dies;
While we, the brave, the mighty, and the wise,
We Men, who in our morn of youth defied
The elements, must vanish;—be it so!
Enough, if something from our hands have power
To live, and act, and serve the future hour;
And if, as toward the silent tomb we go,
Through love, through hope, and faith's transcendent dower,
We feel that we are greater than we know.


You could even try Milton or Longfellow. Shakespeare popped a sonnet or two...and leanne, on this site, can help.
You must not be discouraged by crit...nor damned by faint praise (google it).
You may find this piece gets moved to another forum by the mods.
I may follow you or not. Just one other thing. Serious crit is just that. Is it what you want?
Best,
tectak