The desk at war

[Keith]

in some places it feels a little tell but in general it's a fun poem and should be read as such. i thought the 2nd stanza worked really well. the last stanza closed the poem well. the ideas were constant, in line, linear, onward marching, maybe swap an odd tell for an image but overall it stands up pretty well as is.

Soldiers inside the staple gun, why not para's or paratroopers, seeing as u use the word jump on the next stanza.
deployed by unseen hands,
always one more, ready to go.

In-line ready to jump,
fold their arms as they leave the plane,
dropping through white clouds. good image good metaphor.

Uniformed beach landings, okay soldiers in the first works now because your using different arms of the military
running down ramps, guns held high,
plunging into breaking seas.

Onward they march, relentless,
integral to the war machine,
and the beat of its linear heart. solid end

Thanks Billy had missed the double use of Jump so its gone in the edit thank you for your considered comments. Best TOMH

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I thought this poem was really well written and the writer sent many messages out to readers to touch them in different ways :-)

Thank you emmalou your comments are greatly appreciated. TOMH

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the simple message that becomes wrapped in romantic imagery makes this a special insight to an overlooked group of men

Thanks lmh I think awareness and profile of the armed forces has been raised over the past few years but I agree not nearly enough. Thank for your comments.TOMH