06-02-2013, 10:36 AM
I don't think being immoral is an illness either. I think it's closer to natural impulses. There are neurological problems; and there are problems people run into trying to deal with shit...that knock them loopy. I know mental problems are hard, and the social problems that go along with them. I feel like shit most of the time, and it often hinders me in things that are very important to me. I write about these things a lot; but that's what I do. It's hard for me to imagine things being otherwise.
Or more to the point: I can imagine things being otherwise, but I'm so used to the way I've felt my whole life that I don't want to be "cured".
Whenever I've used pain pills or herion or morphine, or anything that makes me numb, I feel worse than when I'm in the worst pain. I just feel sick.
Everyone doesn't feel this way; but I am motivated by suffering. It's just that sometimes it gets a bit too much, and during those times I feel that I would rather die than feel anything again.
But I don't die. And those horrible moments get worse and worse; but still, later, when I've made it through them, I feel glad I had those experiences.
Or more to the point: I can imagine things being otherwise, but I'm so used to the way I've felt my whole life that I don't want to be "cured".
Whenever I've used pain pills or herion or morphine, or anything that makes me numb, I feel worse than when I'm in the worst pain. I just feel sick.
Everyone doesn't feel this way; but I am motivated by suffering. It's just that sometimes it gets a bit too much, and during those times I feel that I would rather die than feel anything again.
But I don't die. And those horrible moments get worse and worse; but still, later, when I've made it through them, I feel glad I had those experiences.