Bliss

[tectak]

A polariod burns to a cinder,
Our archaic memories are but tinder.
I sit motionless, immolated in the moments we spent;
Charred, suffocating, lost and content.

Hi will,
Terse verse. Terse crit. Have you given crit yourself?
Not sure about the firmness of this. "Polaroid burns to a cinder". Yep...it is a completely dephlogisticated memory. A cinder. So how come it is tinder? Not sure about "immolated in". "immolated by" makes more sense to me. Nice image though. Buddist 1963.
This is a gestalt. The last word is neat. I have a problem. I am suffering from loss. I have painful memories. I am glad I have them..... I am content.
Yes. OK. But not setting the world on fire. A little local burning off.
Punctuation fine but no need to go back to schooldays and capitalise each line. Unnecessary and pointless....confusing even.
Best,
tectak

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