A Pocketful of Dragons

[Keith]

Edit 1
Our fireside seat an old melting sofa,
dragged back from the raising heat,
spuds bake at the red embers edge,
wood stocks fed from creosote fence,
chasing smoke round fiery eyes,
streaking lines down amber faces.

Roman candles, ready for flight
burst the night in hand held arcs,
dark shadows circle the flames, spitting
tracers that claim the backs of runners,
coats flapping in the battle field air,
blackened we fall to our molten lair.


Original
Our fireside seat a melting sofa,
dragged back from the raising heat,
spuds bake at the red embers edge,
wood stocks fed from creosote fence,
wind change chases smoke into eyes,
streaking lines down amber faces.

Roman candles, ready for flight
burst the night in hand held arcs,
dark shadows circle the flames, spitting
tracers that claim the backs of runners,
coats flapping in the battle field air,
blackened we fall to our molten lair.

Overall this is good for imagery and diction. You have some comma-splice issues but I am confident you will easily put those to rest with the re-write. I think you may want to replace "dark shadows". Burst the night is good to my ear.

(btw - I hope you don't mind I posted a PFOD poem as well, I had meant to write it a while ago and your post reminded me.

Thank you for you suggestions Milo I will use them to review the edit, I have no problem at all with another poem, same title as that was the point of the thread I believe there are many duplicate titles. Thanks TOMH