Wishing Waiting

[lukeJones]

Once I believed that faith,
the heavens handwork
that hangs my faith, my wonder,
is just the peak highpoint of some
agile remoteness to dangle across.

The routes that followed and fixed the skies
Fixed to curl about us like bowed arcs
That as the passing of dawns draws us
Maps or tracings of understanding
To see if from there we had missed something

And when it would bowl back, the dawn
We would believe that it went on forever
But as even the most furtive faith untold must falter
We could not tell that living this lesson once shone in skies
The east before the dawn, yet there were so many stars above

When I read this I thought one of two things.

1) You are running before you walk and trying to overdo imagery and make the poem a set of cool sounding words instead of an overall piece.

2) That English is not your first language.

Let's be honest, either of those is completely fine. I run before I walk all the time, and at least you have images, the problem is that you have put them down in a muddled fashion.

It's an obstacle course of a poem and I kept tripping up. I don't hate this by any means, but any lines that I do enjoy are singular because the next or previous often doesn't tie in. So as individual lines there are some neat snapshots for me, if you could shape it together a bit better, who knows, there could be something cool in there.